too Good to be True

What's that saying, when something is too Good to be true, then it prolly isnt true. Well, thats a very interesting and true story. Sooo my story begins sometime last weekend. i had just woken up on a Saturday afternoon, almost finished removing the crust from my eyes and hacking my throat, then i checked my phone for messages. My usually routine, Emails, Text messages and then BBMs.
For some reason, that Afternoon i had a lot of messages while i slept, i went through each one and then i finally stopped at a message from someone i hadnt spoken too for almost a year.
it was a girl i had class with, we studied often for the class, she was adorable and she had a boyfriend then. we flirted a little but nothing ever serious or substantial came out of it. hey text read "Hello stranger". i replied innocently enough and a few minutes later i got replies asking about my well being and how we need to catch up and what days im free so we could hang out.
For a second i had started to get excited and thoughts started running through my mind like "Wow, Shawty must have dumped her boyfriend and she is probably checking back on Guys from the past that nothing materialized with".. then i decided to ask about her Boyfriend and what happened to him, she replied " we still together, 3 years and 9 months, its a lot of hard work but i really dunno" after seeing that reply, it still didnt help clarify things on why she would want to contact me and keep in touch after soo much time has passed.
so i keep texting with her, just the basics, she tells me she needs to tell me something, but not over the phone, and she would like if we meet up over drinks in a quiet place, somewhere where we could talk. my Availability is very choppy sometimes, especially during summer, Soo i gave her my next available time to meet on a night im off work and she says perfect, it would work for her.  we text for a while more over the course of the day.
Fastforward to a day before we meet, She sends me a text talking about her excited she is about meeting me the next day, i ask her why she is excited about meeting me and she replies "i think you would like what it is that we talk about", i became more curious and asked her what she really needed to talk to me about, she gave the same excuse about how she prefers to talk in person... a few moments later, she is texting my name in Bold and sending Smiley Faces and Lols to me, just trying to be cute. im all sorts of flattered and im not sure what to think of all her texts, she did mention that she had a Boyfriend, but then again, she did hint at them maybe being in trouble relationship wise.

The day to hang out, she got off work late, then she calls me and ask for my Address, the plan was to meet in my house first, before we head off for some drinks. She finally tells me that she probably would be able to get to my house before 10pm at night. Ok, soo my mind is already reading into the scenario, she may/may not be happy in her relationship, she needs to tell me some that she cant say over the phone, she randomly texts my name to me and acts cute with it using Lols and Smiley Faces.... there is no way anyone should blame me for reading into this scenario, should they?

So 10p rolls right around the corner and she arrives at my house. she has a cute short dress and she has some nice make up on.... i go in for a Hug and i get a really big long hug, and it wasnt the kind of arkward side hugs you give reluctantly to friends because you are not trying to be mean, it was one of those long hugs frontal hugs where every part of our physiology would be touching if we had no clothes on while we hugged. my mind was already racing at 120 mph, so I figured we go for drinks first to calm our nerves. there is an Applebees right by my way, soo we head over there for drinks.... after we order our first few drinks and we settle down for some finger foods. i ask her about her day and how surprised i was to see her. we exchange pleasantries about how neither person hadnt changed and how it was a good thing. Then i figure i bite the bullet, soo i ask her bluntly, Soo why did you want to see me and what was the big secret you couldnt tell me over the phone.

She smiles and says, ok. she needs to show me something, She opens her big ass pocket book and pulls out a Laptop, in my mind im like "What the hell does she need to tell me something with a laptop for, but then maybe im open to new ideas right, maybe she made a powerpoint presentation on how she feels", sooo before she opens it, she asks me, if you could do anything in the world right now, what would you do? i figure i answer this question as safely as possible, because even though it feels like she has been throwing me Signs all week, i would rather be safe than sorry, soo i give her a safe answer about how i want to travel around the world to brazil, italy, france and some islands.

She smiles at the answer and opens up her laptop and she brings out some presentation..... thats when i realized that i definitely was being punked, i realized that she tried to get me out here alone to talk about a Pyramid Scheme Company that dealt with Travel Packages... i had been suckered to drinks on a Friday night at past 10pm with a lovely lady that was trying to push me a get rich quick pyramid scheme. She started talking about recruiting and deals and all sorts of things that didnt sound right to my Accounting Principles..... i almost felt sorry for myself because i was the stupid guy who kept reading alot into whatever text messages she sent to me, and i felt truly sorry for her because she actually believed that the Pyramid scheme would be a good pay out. i have had a little bit of experience with some of the pyramid schemes. From PrePAid Legal to World Venture Travel Inc, i definitely had heard and seen it all.

After about 20 minutes into her presentation, i had to stop her and tell her respectfully that there is no way im joining her idea and we should move on from that topic. i dont have friends who are willing to join schemes like that, nor am i  going to encourage my enemies to join a scheme. we talk for a little bit more and pay for the check. we say our goodbyes, make promises about meeting under other circumstances and hug it out. i returned home slightly tipsy and very disappointed.

i guess when something seems almost too good to be true, then it really is too good to be true.

the Best i Ever Had

A little while ago, i was having a Conversation with Mrs.  Married (thats the new name im gonna call the Married Woman from my previous post), and we started talking about Sex, Sexual history and Partners, and from my previous experiences, your Past on Sex is never a good thing to bring up the person you are currently fucking. Because quite frankly, people tend to get jealous, people start to ask questions and things just get very murky real quick. 

Anyways, Mrs Married starts asking Questions, like How many partners have i been with, What is the wildest place i have had sex and if i could tell her who the best sex i ever had was? i never understand why people ask questions which they may not like the Answers too... yeah i know sometimes im guilty of asking questions i may not enjoy the answer, but with Age, i have learnt to control my desire to be too curious, especially when its something i would rather not know... i often times subscribe to the whole "ignorance is bliss" school of thought.

Soo she brings these questions up and she insist i answer her. After about half an hour of back and forth i give in... im like "alright, i hope you know what you are doing asking me these questions, because you may or may not like the answers i would give to you" she nods confirming that she is a big girl and she can handle what ever answers i give. 

Sooo with the Partners Questions, i dont think i necessarily have a high count, but the definition of a High count of sex partners is all very Relative from person to person. My Sex number is close to the Number of my Age (hint: im legally able to drink in the US). when i told her my Number she gasped loudly and said that was too much (funny thing is i know a number of people within my range of counts) and she was like "i have only been with 6"... i wasnt too sure what to make of her number, nor the fact that she said her number soo proudly as if i was meant to go to hell for my own number (afterall she asked for my number, right?)

Soo we move on to the next Question, Wildest place i have done it? This seemed like a tricky Question, Because i noticed that the Older i become, the less Adventurous my locations tend to be. When i was abit younger, i explored having sex in the Car, the Stacks within my University Library, A Stairwell in an Apartment, a Neighborhood park During Daylight... but now all those Experiences seem like distant memories of a past life, and the only place i may even dare to explore now, would probably be Sex in a Car. I told her to pick whichever one out of the places i had mentioned (because i think they were all wild in their own right). She mentioned how her wildest place was in a MiniVan. 

Moving on the the last question i dreading, Who was the best i ever had? For a split second i had to decide whether i should tell her the absolute truth with all my answer, or i should just bend the truth a little and stroke her Ego. (dont give me that bullshit that Woman dont care about Egos, Anyways, Women do it to men soo why cant men Stroke female Egos too?) I figured i had been telling the truth soo far and i would hate to Lie at the End, then find out that i went to hell just because of my only Lie. I told her the truth, that it wasnt her and it was some girl i was with before i even met her. i wasnt sure whether she was shocked or Disappointed about my answer, but i had to remind her that she was the person who asked for it. She told me it was ok, and that her best was Some guy Before she Met her husband. She told me that for a split second that she expected me to mention her name as her best.... i thought it was cute that she thought that it would be her but i have been with a good amount of women, and i have realized that the more women you get to be with, the more you realize that its hard for the title of "best i ever" had to be practical. 

Ask any Man around, you almost cant tell the difference between the Girl A's Pussy and Girl B's pussy when you have a condom on (most times), Sooo sometimes, what makes a whole lot of a difference in sex has to deal with the kind of mental, emotional and sensual connection you have built with the person outside the bedroom, before you take it into the bedroom. 

And truthfully, there is nothing wrong with Good Sex, i explained to her that even though she may not be the "best i ever had", No one should feel bad about that. Good Sex is way more practical that Great Sex, and i believe i would rather prefer to be married to someone whom i had Good Sex with, among other things. 

this is the way i see Good Sex and Great Sex, Good sex is a Toyota Camry while Great Sex is a Ferrari, Good Sex is made for Daily driving, it is comfortable, it isnt soo Expensive that you need to sell an Arm and a Leg to maintain the good sex, it is Practical, Great Sex is unreasonable to drive everyday, it is only comfortable for the first 30 mins you sit in it, its too freaking Expensive to maintain.

thats my own Analogy on the whole issue. Every one dreams about Ferraris, but practically Speaking a Toyota Camry is the only way to go for the long haul. 

 Don't enter every relation expecting to be the best sex they ever had, be more practical... as long as its Good Sex you share with the person then thats good. Great sex has the power to erode your mind and cloud your Judgement. it blurs you from being able to differentiate whether what you have with the person is more than just sex. Sometimes Great Sex could compromise you as a person, it would let you make decisions against your better judgement.

So basically to sum up my point

Great sex is great for memories and personal experiences, but Good sex is for living.

i would rather choose Good Sex over Great Sex if i had to live with one for the rest of my life

when it comes to Questions about Sexual history, its best not to ask it... 

i probably could have been more Eloquent with my Conversation.... but sometimes, the English language mocks me in my head.

let me know what you think, am i right? or am i wrong?

a little bit about me (my Elevens)

here are a few Random things about me..... 

this is going to be a form of the Elevens that i was tagged by about 2 months ago. 

1) I procrastinate

i procrastinate way too much, i often under estimate time and my ability to get things done and finished. i have a lot of things or projects i should have done about 3 years ago that i havent gotten too. i know this is a serious problem for me, and i hate this sooo much about myself. i can never commit to a schedule. it is something i have been trying to work on, but its very difficult. case in point, i was to make a post about the elevens which i got 3 tags for ages ago, im just making a makeshift post now. 

2) im Agnostic

When it comes to religion, i have very strong reasons and opinions for it and against it. i try to stay out of religious conversations because i hate being that Dude that every one thinks is going to hell. i didnt wake up one morning and become Agnostic and No, no huge event happened. What made me become agnostic was i started reading up on the history of religion and i watched documentaries and i continually see people of power within religious institutions and how they abuse the power. i personally think Religion is helpful for people who face oppression and need a greater purpose to face their current reality.  Anyways, lets move on from that, and i really do hope no one is gonna give me shit about Religion on my blog. its my belief and thats that. 

3) im a dreamer

i have a problem with taking one moment in time (sometimes the current moment im in) and then i start to extrapolate on that moment, i look into the future of what that moment could turn too. i do this way more often that i should. i do this with relationships/crushes, i do this with my Day, i do this even my meals, e.g. i might meet a girl and say hi, then i start to dream about whether her name sounds good with my name, if we had kids, what the kids would look like, e.t.c.... you see stupid shit like that. 

4) im weird

i have an obsession with the NYtimes and time.com. i dont read books often, but i read alot of opinion editorials, Journals And Studies that get published on these websites. often times try to stay current with political and financial editorials. i know most of the things i read cant help me with daily conversations with the average person but i just like being current with current events. 

5) i think im smarter than i actually am

if you asked me, i would swear to you that im a genius, but i just dont have the proof to back that claim up. Maybe its all the Articles i read online and the news i watch and Documentaries im intrigued by. Truthfully, i know im no where near a genius, but it makes me happy to think to myself that i am a genius. haha. im really no genius, im just very disillusioned. 

6) im awkward at phone conversations

i cant stay on the phone longer than 5 mins without me looking for an excuse to hang up.... i guess i have a phone phobia. i never call any of my friends, im certain i have lost a lot of friends because of this, but i just dont know what to say over the phone and i feel like when im on the phone for long, i wasting time on the phone when i could be saving that time to do activities that are in front of me. My phone phobia is probably one major reason i dont ask people for their phone numbers, when people offer me their phone numbers i relunctantly accept. i often pretend like im saving it in my phone but i usually dont. 

7) i Love love like love like like Girls

i love girls alot and i realized i love girls way too early at the Age of 5 years old. i remember the first girl i liked. i remember trying to look up her skirt in church at the age of 6. i suggested that we play House, i was the Dad and she was the mum, and i said we need to fall asleep soo i was using style to tap current by holding her arms and legs as we pretended to sleep on the rug of the church during sunday school. she was the highlight of Church for me. 

8) i am not a Virgin

i lost my Virginity way too early... i was probably around 7 years old when i did lose it. it was to an older Girl, a much much older Girl. Truth be told she came on to me, but i really didnt understand fully what was going on. All i know was that i enjoyed the feeling. i think that incident shaped my view about sex and it probably explains why i sometimes get attracted to older women. 

in normal circles, it could be argued that what happened to me that young was sexual abuse but .......

lets leave it at that.

9) Me and Dating

Females from my job often tell me that im going to end up marrying a white woman... im often puzzled by this idea. Truthfully, i really dont care what Race of woman i marry or that i date. i believe attraction and beauty comes in different shades and shapes. i dont have any preference with regards to dating when it comes to Race or Religion.... What i often look at when i date someone is their personality, how attracted i am to them, how respectable they are and if they can keep and hold an intelligent conversation.... well and also if they are Educated and if they are into fitness lifestyle. i cant date a female who doesnt see education as being important and i cant also date someone who isnt willing to put the effort into taking care of themselves physically. 

10) Me and Death

in my Adult life, i have come close to death twice in my life..... one was a Car Accident and another was A close Drowning in a lake. the Car Accident was a Few years back, my first car, i was racing and being reckless and my car crashed, it flipped over about 3 times and it was completely totalled. i came out of the accident without a scratch, and when the paramedics came i was told that the only reason why i surived was because i was wearing my seatbelt. (anyone who comes into my car, knows how much i neurotically tell them to put on their seatbelt, im like a seatbelt police) and the other incident was more recent. i do have a little issue speaking about it now, but im just glad that im ok. I know death is a part of life, and their was a period of time in my life that i even flirted with taking my own life, but for some reason im still here, and im just glad for every day that im alive on loan. 

11) My Greatest Fear

When i was young, my greatest fear was Cockroaches (i think every little boy i know was scared of cockroaches), now as i have grown, my fear itself has grown, from something tangible to a few things that are intangible. i dont have one particular fear. but one that i can readily divulge is the fear of unaccomplishment. i keep thinking to myself, if i were to die now, No one would care, the world wouldnt even blink, some of my past friends may not even know, not too many people would care or cry. im not afraid of death, im afraid of the emptiness that my death would represent. i have no kids, i have no accomplishments, i just have me. And truthfully, that scares me. 

sooo thats it, my Elevens. 

leave a comment, subscribe .... share your thoughts. 

lets keep this on the hush

After my last post, i have been abit hesitant to put anything else up. Probably because i feel the need to be abit cautious, especially since im not really an Anonymous blogger. Well its probably too late to become anonymous right now, or is it? anyways, to hell with it, this blog is therapy to me, i often come here to vent and to voice my frustrations about life and the drama that surrounds it. i had a therapist a while back, but therapy cost Grande Dollars, so i had to quit it.
For anyone who felt something happened to me, im alright and still breathing, so no memorial service or wake keeping yet.
a while ago, i looked introspectively at my relationships and i discovered that i havent been in a relationship which i havent cheated in. Thats really bad, No? i guess i am a pro at unhealthy relationships. who would have thought that?
sooo, i have still been up to no good, dont blame me, im attracted to the dark side.

No Good deed number 1
my most recent Ex broke up with her current boyfriend, and as with all relationships, we all look for rebounds, she called me up to vent her frustrations and concerns with her now current Ex, we stayed on the phone for 3 hours, she talked about how ungrateful he was, how much love she had poured into her relationship and how hurt she was that it ended on this bad note. the cause of the break up was irrelevant because all the while we were on the phone, my mind was circling back to "How good the sex was when me and her were together and i was wondering if she still Got it". i told her we could meet for drinks whenever we were free and she cheerfully obliged. we set the date and things were set in motion. a week later we met up for drinks and we had a little conversation going, i decided against making a move on that day, sooo when we said our goodbyes i tried to give her a kiss on the Cheek, a kiss on the cheek transformed into an all out french kiss. Damn, i forgot how much of a good kisser she was, i told her i had to go and nothing developed further on that day. fast forward a week later and we texting and arranging meeting up. We originally made plans to go lounge hopping in the city, but the afternoon of our date, she sent me a text saying "Fuck the City Lounge Hopping, there is only one thing on her mind right now" She continued that "If we meet, we are going to have to sleep together because she has needs", its always been hard for me to turn down sex with a female that i was attracted too, soo i succumbed to the dark side and obliged her request. She reminds me of my favorite pair of jeans, Comfortable, dependable and accentuates me in all the right places. She isnt the best sex i ever had but she is Close. After our escapades, my mind did settle back into reality, there is no future with her and all i have with her is just the past, there is alot of healing and growing she has to do and she definitely has to do it all alone to appreciate it. after our encounter, i have definitely distanced myself even though we promised to meet up for more sessions.

No Good Deed Number 2
the Married woman from my last post, i know i said i Quit her but i guess i told you guys a half truth, i tried to quit her but things didnt work out as planned. i think for now we are in the Happy medium of a Friends with Benefits package, we dont talk as often as we used too, but when we meet we are hardly ever talking anyways. i keep telling myself that im going to quit and stop but im certain that this is my year of unhealthy habits. i really did try to quit but.........
ok all the excuses i came up with are not reasonable enough for me to still be messing with her.

No Good Deed Number 3
an Ex of mine is married and i hardly talk to her, actually i dont talk with her, maybe a text every birthday and holidays but thats it. She has a beautiful daughter and a Husband she has been married to for a little while now. Ordinarily, our relationship had Highs and lows like no other. i have tried to be happy for her and her situation, but truthfully, she isnt too happy for herself. she stopped by unannounced this past weekend and im just soo thankful that she brought along her daughter. We talked, caught up on old times and she told me that she lost my number and had begged a number of our friends in common for it, they all told her to leave me alone (and i wish she listened to all their wise words of wisdom). She got my number back again and She definitely has been texting me some very compromising text messages. there are a few kinks in her marriage and im not sure i want to be the stray that breaks the camels back. Plus her hubby seems like a dude that would literarily kill me if i ever did anything. As reckless as i might be from time to time, im definitely not going to test these dangerous waters. Cheating with one married woman is one married woman too much, im not going to Add another one to head problems. i really do hope things work out for her.

Sooo maybe number 3 wasnt too bad, i actually had my logic kick in and im going to do my part in trying to save her marriage, probably suggest for a push in marriage counseling or something along those lines. i guess im not all bad after all, Maybe Santa would cross my name off the naughty list and put me on the nice list this Christmas. Who knows?

im in Dire need of a healthy relationship to save me from myself. the other day i almost signed up on Match.com .... im afraid in the near future i would soon be Jaded by Love if i keep on like this.

Unfaithful

Whao... so i know i dont make the best decisions considering my love life, but i think i just made a really good decision for myself. So incase you didnt know, over the past few weeks i have been carrying on an Affair with an Older woman. She was smart, cute, funny, cultural, mature but She was also married (i think the married part should have cancelled all those positive attributes). Anyways, i was content with the arrangement, she hit me up and hung out whenever she wanted to release stress, act young and not have any worries in the world and Her Hubby dealt with whatever stress and troubles that burdened her. What more could i ask for, the positives of a relationships without all the commitment and serious issues that relationships come with (yay).
This arrangement worked until recently when things did start getting serious. it all started with little nice gestures like her cooking for me and bring me some food every other day, i should have shut that shit down the first time she did it but, man can she cook and my greedy ass never declines good food. Anyways, it first started with food, then the next thing was her talking about a divorce from her hubby, that had my head spinning abit and i tried to talk to her about working somethings out with her hubby, yeah i know things arent great now (especially since she is cheating), but the test of a good relationship is working through your issues. Right?
Things got to a crescendo the other day. we just had sex and she said something i didnt even dream of hearing... she said "you dont know how much i love" she whispered it so slightly, So to say the lest, i was shocked and awed, and it wasn't what i bargained for....
i definitely have my own shit to deal with, and i wouldnt want to add the love of a married woman to my  plate.
i was pretty sure that we both knew that whatever pseudo relationship we were in had an Expiration date, the few times we talked about the future, we both had different stances, i want kids of my own and i hope to be married later down the line in the future, if She ever gets divorced she is going to be done with getting married and she sure doesnt want kids, because she has kids of her own already and she has closed the chapter for more kids... so there definitely was an expiration on us.
the matter was helped by the fact that she told me that her Husband was actually an Ex Army man from the taiwanese army Who was once in the detail of protection service for the president of taiwan, Basically, in his country, he has the license to kill and he probably has some Hardcore Ex Army Friends. WTF, do you believe she didnt tell me her husband was literally trained on how to kill, until like 2 weeks ago, then her silly ass asked me if i was scared or worried? Yeah silly B*tch, i should be scared that your hubby was trained professionally on how to kill people.

Anyways, with all the craziness that has unfolded over these past few Weeks, i had to have a serious talk with her.... i told her that we had to end the whole affair, that even if she was divorced we would still have a very visible expiration date. it literally wouldnt go anywhere and we need to take some time apart to concentrate on ourselves, maybe in the future we could become good friends WHO DONT HAVE SEX, but for know, that isnt going to be possible. i deleted her number and her emails and all personal information, i advised her to do the same.... It was hard for her to take in, but she understands im coming from a logical and good place. So she had only one request before we completely stopped our affair, she requested that we might as well have sex one last time.
i was very shocked of her request, But me being a Gentleman,,, i obliged the lady.

i might be going to hell for all this shit, but it wouldnt be today or anytime soon, plus God knows i give  money to charity.

I guess i did the right thing, being the adult and ending it...... it probably was the smart thing to do, considering that her hubby can and would kill me if he found it.

my Day with JoJo

if you have been following my blog for quite sometime now, you would recall that i have mentioned that i have a very adorable God Son. his name is Joseph, but its shortened to Joey or Jojo. He is 2 years and 2 months and he is already developing a personality of his own (mean little brat) but it is adorable. i dont get to see him as often as i want to because quite frankly school, work and extra curricular activities. So i was more than excited when i got done with my spring sememster last week, the first person i schedule time to see was Him (forget his parents, they are just a means to seeing my God Son)

i figured i take a few pictures of him while i was at it, oh boy, is he a handful. Everytime he sees me, he smiles and runs up to me for me to pick him up. that gets me soo excited (get your mind outta the gutter). Anyways, from the moment he saw me, he began scheming of ways to escape from indoors

 This is him scheming on how to run out of the door, See how he looks like he is interested, but he really is in deep thought on whether his plan to Run out the door would work.

Jojo makes his move, he is like "to hell with it, im out"

 he decides to show me that he got some game for a 2 year old, im like yeah whatever jojo. then he shoots

 and he actually makes it in.... with a sense of accomplishment, little jojo decides to strike a pose, because he is just #Bawse

 there goes his pose. way too much Personality for a 2 year old.... as things wounded down, i decided it was time to take his show off little self back inside, he didnt like that very much and he had to be such a Diva about it, he started Crying and Holaring when he got outside, pointing right outside motioning that he wants to go back out (i obviously wasnt going to let him show me out) so i told his mum to discipline him.

 And because im such an Awesome God Father, she kindly Obliged, see there she goes trying to make him keep quiet. haha..... i think im going to be such an Evil Dad.

 Obviously, his dad came to his rescue... pssshhhh. i think he needs some more tough love, but what do i know?

Before i left, i decided to take a Family portrait, as you can see Jojo aint interested anymore... but the little boy would get over it... Eventually. #evil,laugh.


im going to be seeing him tomorrow, hopefully we can sweep whatever misgivings and misunderstandings me and jojo had last week under the rug, at that age, kids have the memory of Goldfishes, Hopefully, he hardly remembers... lol.

Anyways, i figured i share something personal, because i "heart" my followers. its summer, so im going to be gearing up to take lots of pictures, im scouting places to take pics in NYC and things to do. As the summer progresses, i can only get better with my pictures.

i personally think he looks more like his mum, but when he was younger everyone used to rave about how much of his father he looked like, Well who do you think he favors, his mum or his dad?

Me and Relationships

Wow... funny how time flies, i know i promised a post a week ago, but i just got done with finals, so i really have a valid excuse for not keeping up with my end of the bargain. i have been busy. its soo good to finally kick off the Summer, unofficially though, now that i have all this free time, i almost dont know what im going to do with myself....(actually i know what im going to do, i got semi big plans for the summer).
i have gotten Tagged for the 11 elevens, i should really participate, but i keep postponing, Anyways thats for another day.

Me and relationships.
What's not to love about relationships? there are a beautiful thing, especially when you are in one with someone who cares for you, shares all your aspirations and dreams and is truly your equal; mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I envy people in stable loving and healthy relationships, you know those kind of relationships that nurture your soul and feed your livelihood. the kind that makes you smile whenever you wake up in the morning, the kind that what ever you are doing, your mind wanderers straight to your significant other, wondering what he/she is doing, if they are okay, and if you are on their mind as much as they are on your mind.
all that relationship gushy stuff is great, but the problem with me and relationships is, im always a little bit worried to let myself go fully.

for you to be able to push through in a relationship, you have to be emotionally naked with your significant other, you have to be willing to be vulnerable, and truthfully, im not sure i can do that, because to be vulnerable means that you are willing to take the risk of heartache and let downs. And experience has told me that, people would always let you down (whether knowingly or unknowingly) people always fuck up. thats just nature.

Every relationship i have been in, whenever i catch myself getting too happy, and euphoric, i panic, i tell myself that there is no way this happiness is going to last, something bad is going to fuck it up.... i begin to get consumed by how many ways shit could fuck up, and i start to panic big time. As laid back as i try to come off, im truthfully someone who like to be in control, im passive aggressive, so i like to subtlety be in control, because of my under G nature of being in control, i decide to Fuck shit up in the relationship by myself most times. my logic doesnt make sense to anybody i tell, but i figure that, the relationship is going to get Fucked up, soo if it eventually gets fucked up, Why cant i be the one to control the fuck up? why shouldnt i have the power over the fuck up??? its a stupid logic, but it has shielded me from feeling extremely powerless in the aftermaths of my relationships.

Sooo in almost all relationships i have been in, i fucked them all up, maybe passively sometimes, but most times, i aggressively worked to fuck it all up. I slowly withdrew emotionally, i slowly became a bit more callous and honest than i had too, i slowly let my mind wander and i allowed myself to cheat on my significant other, i slowly stopped paying attention to her and all the wonderful things about her.

im still afraid of relationships, but my phobia is getting a bit more controlled. i cant say that i would be ready to dive head first into a healthy relationship tomorrow, but im certain that sometime in the future, i would seek one, and fight exclusively for one. As for now, im comfortable in my psuedo relationships, with women who dont belong to me, While i remain an owner of no one.

Maybe im paranoid for thinking that nothing good last for ever, but do you think it justifies my logic of controlling the chaos in the relationship? does it really make me a bad person?
let me hear your opinions...
please dont forget to subscribe and leave a comment

So What's uP?

Yeah.... so what's up? i dont think im gonna apologize for not blogging in a while because honestly i have been busy. ok, im half lying, the first week, i wasnt too busy, i was waiting for comments to pour into my last post, but nothing came, so me being the vindictive person i am, i decided not to post any new content, but then my vindictiveness gave way to really being busy, Karma.

So im guessing my would you rather was getting to controversial for people to answer or pick one question? wow..... i coulda sworn that i had more open minded and daring followers, oh well, i learn new shit everyday. ok.... so im gonna keep this short and sweet, this is an update on all the shit that has happened in my abscence on my blog. each point probably deserves its own post, but my finals week is this week and next week so i really should be studying instead of posting post on blogville. (the truth is i dont study as often as i should)

first things first, Sooo... PhD girl from my this post "When falling in love isnt an option" Well, a few weeks back me and her got into a little incident. lets just say we tried to revisit the past and things didnt turn out well. i really shouldnt have expected things to turn out well anyways, After we had sex again, i wasnt sure what the Sex all meant within the friendship we already had, and i definitely am the worst at resolving awkward situations, i figured that after we had sex that a relationship was going to be expected, and i didnt know if we were gonna have to have "THE TALK", so i freaked out. & seriously, things just didnt feel the same when we had sex, it was more me than her. Anyways, lets just say i didnt handle the situation properly and now we arent on speaking terms.

Second thing, sooo does anybody remember the girl from "Borrowed LoVE"... well you wouldnt  believe whats new with her.... come on take a wild guess, i would give you some time to guess... so have you guessed? well ok, here it goes..... i just found out 3 weeks ago that she is 3 months Preggos , well if you guessed that right you deserve a pat on the back, you are intuitive...... Whaooo, i know right, that is some crazy shit, i hadnt heard from her in like 3 months and the first time i hear from her, i hear that she is preggos.... #mindblown..... but you know what, Guess who isnt that Dad? if you guessed NOT ME, then you are right, whats that two for two? you really are intuitive. sooo with the logistics, we stopped messing around almost a month before she got preggos and her BF is soo happy that she is preggos. She did suggest that we meet up to go see a movie together, but the night we met up, i was sooo tired that when i got to her place i fell asleep on her bed, i was out cold for like 5 hours.... we scheduled a movie date for a later time, Now i have definitely put her and our relationship in the #Friendzone, there is nothing that turns me off quicker than seeing a girl i like preggos by another guy, there is no coming out of the friendzone after that.

Third Thing, the married woman i mentioned in a previous post, well this post to be exact "When Falling in Love isnt An Option" well the woman that was kinda flirting with me, Well lets just say we crossed over from just flirting, we have done some things that i would definitely need to take a bath in Holy water for my sins to be forgiven. Well, there seems to be a pattern of getting involved with people who are already involved, i do need to break that pattern, but for some reason its a convenient arrangement, i get to have relationship benefits without the stress of a relationship. Win-Win right? (fuck you, dont judge me, you dont know my life #thuglife, lol). we hardly go out in public because we get stares often, she looks good for her age and for the fact that she has 2 cute little munchkins, but i think the reason we get stares is probably because im almost a #semiBigblackguy and she is a lil tiny asian woman, soo no matter what neighborhood we are in, we often get stares (i am basically 5'9" and i weigh about 190lbs she is 5'1" and weighs 100lbs soaking wet)... though she keeps asking why people are staring ( i usually ignore the question because i think its obvious enough), well her story is for another day, another blog post.

sooo this is all i can really spare to tell... nothing too exciting, i didnt want to write a story book but it seems like no matter how i try to summarize, the words just keep pouring out.

Oh yeah, last thing, i started messing with a girl i used to mess with last summer and she told me that im losing my touch with how to please her... needless to say i didnt know how to respond to that allegation or comment. it got me thinking that maybe i am losing my touch in the bedroom (wouldnt that be a big blow to my overblown ego?) Well i am getting older, i know my golden days are soon gonna start screeching to a halt (i refuse to believe im at that stage yet) and its all downhill from there. Maybe i need to stop messing/having sex with girls from my past? hmmm or maybe i should just learn to be abstinent forever... who the fuck knows, right? Well on that note, leave a comment and subscribe, let me know your thoughts, its only fair because you guys already know mine now.

Would you Rather: PArt CinQ

Hey lovers.... i know i have been MIA for a little bit, i have just been a bit busy and when i havent been busy i have been fighting Allergies big time. i love the bloom of flowers but i hate the pollen in the air, and my Body reacts violently to Allergies. Red Puffy Eyes, Shortness of Breadth, all that good stuff. Thankfully i finally have most of my symptoms in check. soo Yay. Anyways, back to the topic, im soo happy about the participation that i get from these series of would you rather... i enjoy all the feedback and the reasoning behind each option everyone picks. Sooo let me cut to the Chase and present you with the options this week. hopefully, its not as deceptively easy to pick from.

Would you Rather

Opitions

A) if you were to be cheated on by a spouse, would you rather that your spouse/significant other cheat on you with someone who is clearly more attractive, more successful, more beautiful/more handsome, more interesting.... basically someone who is a huge step clearly better.

OR

B) if you were to be cheated on by a spouse, would you rather that your spouse/significant other cheat on you with someone who is clearly Less Attractive, Less Successful, Less Handsome/less Beautiful, Less interesting.... basically someone who is a step down in more ways than one.

ok, i know no one wants to get cheated on, but if you had a choice on how you would prefer to get cheated on, what option would you prefer that your spouse cheat on you. i know it seems like it might be a clear choice, but if you have been in both scenarios, you would understand that both scenarios affect you in psychologically in two different ways, and its all about how you want to choose to live with the after effects, and what situation you would prefer to be in, in order to get over your sense of betrayal or heartbreak.

so i would love to hear your feedback regarding this post.
leave a comment down below and subscribe if you already havent. Ciao.

Updated Would you Rather: Part Quatre

Hello once again.... i know i should have posted this on Tuesday or Earlier today, but i have been Stumped... Busy Busy Busy... i just cant wait till spring break next week, i finally take some time to RELAX... WOOHOOOO... lol. anyways, i enjoy each and every participation this series gets, its very amusing.
Well for those who are new, Would you rather is a series in which i present two options, and i give you the reader a choice of choosing either one, but you can only choose one option as is, with the terms which come with the option, Explaining the Reason to your choice of your option is highly encouraged, it is basically an open forum, there is no right answer and there is no wrong answer to the choices.

Sooo my last Question seemed pretty easy to most people, sooo i figure i might make this a bit challenging and a little bit more realistic. So here goes

IF you were to have a daughter, and you had to choose between

A) having a daughter that was Pretty or extremely beautiful but she wasn't sooo smart

or

B) having a daughter that was a Genius but she was Ugly

It seems like an easy question, and it seems almost superficial but you should consider that being beautiful or ugly as a female affects the way the world relates to you and what positions you can find yourself in, it determines who you might be able to marry in the future and to some extent the kind of opportunities in which life would present to you. Being Borderline Stupid is a huge hinderance in most circles, but some people could argue that President Bush Jr was borderline stupid.

Dont forget to leave your comments and your thoughts down below.
please feel free to hit the follow button.

UPDATED:
i personally would prefer option1... having a pretty daughter and her not being so brilliant. Im a guy and i know personally that whether the world admits it or not, Females are usually judged on a first impression basis on how attractive they are, the world is generally harder for less attractive or even Uglier Females. life gives prettier females better options, options when it comes to Job placement, Prettier or Attractive Females get paid more in the work force, and prettier females usually get the Option of marrying more Successful husbands if they choose too. The Successful men who are married to females who aren't that attractive are usually Men who have been with the females before they became successful. I know it sounds superficial, but it is the truth in the world that i live in. brilliant females are in their own right good, but i doubt too many people can name brilliant females off the top of their heads, nor do they think that the brilliant females are relevant, unless if the females are brilliant and attractive too. These are just my opinions.

Would you Rather: Part Trois

Thanks All for the previous participation in these series, i know i have Awesome Followers, and to all the new stumblers on my blog, please dont forget to leave a comment and follow. thanks.


Soooo, this is a series in which i give two options, there is really no right or wrong answer, its all subjective according to the kind of person you are, all you have to do is just leave a comment on what option you would prefer to be in. 
one of my favorite books of all times "Venus in Furs" has a line in it that struck a chord with me... and it goes..... "in love, there is no equality, it is either rule or be ruled" sooo im going to extrapolate on this point. 
sooo here goes


A) would you rather be in a Relationship that your spouse is head over heels in love with you and every single thing that you do but the problem is that you don't have the same intensity of feelings for your spouse.... you might love them, but its an unequal distribution of love, its more like you on the love sharing scale == 
YOU => 30% love,      SPOUSE => 70% love.
 i hope you get my gist?




OR




B) would you rather be in a Relationship with your spouse where you are completely head over heels, your spouse tells you to jump and you ask how high, there is absolutely nothing your spouse can do wrong, you can not imagine living life without him/her.... but the problem is your spouse doesnt share the same intensity of love with you. on the love sharing scale it is more like
YOU => 70% love,     SPOUSE => 30% love.


im certain one way or another, we have found ourselves in a position similar to one or the other, or we may have experienced both, sooo if you were to make a decision, what would you rather be in???
you thoughts and comments are appreciated. Thanks Ciao. 


As always, i would updated it with my own personal preference much later. 

Its All a Learning ProCEss

Its all a learning process....
Yesterday was such a Beautiful day in NYC.... and during the spring and Fall NY has such Beautiful Sunsets and sunrises, i guess the temperature of the air is less hazy and it allows the rays to shine through much better... i dunno. Anyways, i figured it would be a learning experience for me to head out to go Snap FOTO.... sooo i carried my Big head and i went to go Snap Foto....


its all a learning process because trying to get the right composition, the right camera settings and the visions i had in mind were quite challenging, it just humbles me when i look at wonderful pictures and i think that maybe one day, i would become as good as that.... So out of the 30 or so pictures i took, this one was the one that made the most sense to me. 


i met fellow photographers and they gave me tips too, the two silhouettes you see in the image are the people i met, they were nice enough to let me take pictures of them sha... anyways, im still undecided on whether to open a separate blog for pictures or i should just create a different page on this blog for my Picshuressss.... lol. 


sooo this is my Amateur pic, i hope you guys like it. Enjoy.


though i always have to keep reminding myself, life and everything in it, is all a learning process. 

UPDATED::: Would you Rather: Part Duex

Sooo this is my new series, where i ask give you two options and you have to chose only one option. No answer is the wrong or right answer, its all about personal preference and what you would do. my last weeks chioce was THIS , just incase you missed it. 


Anyways, this week the options are
Would you Rather


a) be extremely wealthy but know that you would leave a short life.... by short life i mean, you probably would die by 45 or 50ish, and by wealthy i mean, you are wealthy enough to buy islands and pay the debt of a few third world countries. 


Or


b) live an Extremely Long life but Hover around the Poverty Line. When i say extremely long life, probably as long and fulfilling as being about 110 years or even old, and hover around the povery line in the sense that, going to the movies once a month would seem like a Luxury, being barely able to make your Rent payments, living off Food Stamps, but still being able to Survive


Remember, there is no right or wrong Answer to this Question. 


UPDATED:
i personally would like chose option A.... to me, i dont need to live a long life if i have the means to live a fulfilling life. i would explore the world, donate to charity, donate to science, setup trust funds for my Children (i have a phobia of bringing kids into the world while im broke), make sure my future generations never see poverty, and obviously, i would party like a rockstar because i would be dead in a few years. 


Being broke is not fun, or even living on the poverty line, most societies dont have an upward mobility regarding finances, Yes you hear of people like Oprah and Co... but these are the exception, even America isnt that upwardly mobile, most kids that are born into poverty usually stay there. i want my kids to experience more than i ever did. 

Me and My New Expensive Hobby

hey, if you are new to my blog, dont forget to Follow and Comment, thanks.

Sooo, i guess i told you guys how giddy i was about getting my First ever DSLR and how i was going to start taking up a hobby on Photogs.... Sooo, i was so excited before i got the Camera, and now that i got it, im realizing how much of a learning Curve im going to have to overcome to actualize the vision i have with my Artistic Crush on Photography. Not to mention that DSLR and their Equipments are sooo Darn Expensive. :( .  i was shopping on Amazon trying to get myself more Lenses and all the Freaking Lenses i found cost upwards of 300bucks and up, Wow.... thats like 2 regular Cameras for a lens.... Whoo told me to carry my big head to learn Foto?

i got myself an Entry Level Nikon, Because truthfully, Ni**as are broke (pointing to myself) i got a Nikon D3100 and i had to get 2 lenses..... and it set me back a pretty penny. In the Past i got myself a Holga Point and Shoot because i saw the capabilities of its pictures, but then i never used it once.... But im definitely hoping that doesnt happen with this DSLR, because errrr, i just cant afford to have a Camera that cost soo much sitting on a Dresser anymore. Sooo, i have delved deep into tutorials, Videos and beginner tips from Youtube, Websites, Blogs and all sorts of sources....

im slowing pacing myself, and i realize that i would not be an Amazing Photographer overnight but atleast it would keep me busy enough to keep my out of trouble... especially from the Women of the World (God knows i need a break from thinking about Women, and im certain the Women of the World definitely need a break from My Ass).

Abeg see me see trouble.

Anyways, i have learnt a few basic things, like Bokeh, Field of Focus and all other things sha.... here are some pictures where i play with depth of field and focus.

this pic has the flower in focus and everything else blurry. then

this is the same pic, but the field of focus changes... its a simple concept, but it took me a while to learn it.... abeg oh. lol.

then i took this one just to get a different perspective of things

i know i got a long way to go... but im just glad i have something too keep me occupied for now... i have plans of going all around the city and taking pictures sha, NYC is usually very pretty in the spring and summer.... i have the fear that im going to be one of those annoying people who cant go anyway without a camera in my hand, though every Artistic Photog keeps emphasizing on taking pictures, taking pictures and taking more pictures... i hear its the only way anyone can get better.

Here is a bonus picture of a portrait of a friend

So leave a comment if you have any ideas you would want me to explore.... Im probably going to have to Make another Blog Website for my Photography and stuff, soo it doesnt Interfere with the Main Theme of the Blogsite.

When Falling in Love Really isnt An Option!!!!!

Hey, if you are new to my blog, please dont forget to follow/subscribe and leave a comment .... thanks.


Sooo, Everyone raves about falling in love, and how good that shit is supposed to be, but Frankly, i think i have put myself in some situations that i need to try and stay away from love and all its crazy bullshit. im in 3 darning scenarios that might and would complicate the possibility of falling in love and basically my love life. im going to make this post short because its 3Am in the fucking morning and every normal person is sleeping at this time and i should be doing that too. Soo this is going to be a summary jist.


scenario 1
i have known this girl for a relatively medium amount of time, she is basically one of the prettiest people i know and have laid Eyes on (no offense to all the other pretty people that are reading this statement). Well, truthfully, she is one of those pretty people who dont know exactly how pretty they are, probably because in High School she was a whole lot Chubby and she has always been a Dork. But 2 semesters before graduating college and she lost a ton of weight and kept a whole bunch of womanly Curves on her frame. She is smart and driven (nothing more sexy than a girl who can put sentences together).
She has alot of things going for her, but there are just a whole lot of things that arent going for US...
basically, she is a whole different culture from i am, she grew up in a very Religious Muslim Family, and in her Culture, her parents basically Have Arranged Marriages for the females (#wheretheydothat@?).... yeah,  all that shit got me puzzled like WTF....
we did sneak out for a few dates and we tried to make plans for future dates, but the last time we went out, we had to tell ourselves the truth, we both are attracted to eachother, but the truth is, if her Father Ever found out about me and about the Fact that i was Black, as nigerians usually say "it would be No Joking Matter".... sooo i decided to stop while i was ahead


Scenario 2
im have known this woman for less than a year, we met during the fall.... she basically sits with me in class and the professeur in my class always has to give me the Evil Eye because shit is always funny when im with this woman. i didnt know too much about her, except for the fact that she looks way younger than the age i think she is, and her accent is heavy doused with foreignness. She is cute, short and petit, My nickname for her is Fun Size, but apart from nicknames and school stuff ,we never ever really hung out.... well until this semester, when she suggested hanging out during the little freetime we always have before classes begin. it did start out innocently, or atleast i thought it was innocent, until we started having grown up talks (if you know what i mean *wink wink*)... well, she let it slip that she cant put a finger on what it is that she finds attractive about me... and i did relay that i thought it was cute of her and i thought she was cute too.... but here is the problem... i also found out that she was Married, has two kids which are 4 and 5 years old. this is basically her second degree, she got her first one from NYU. and she did tell me that even though she was married, she felt it was one of her biggest mistakes she made as a life choice.... (yeah i know what you guys are thinking, you guys are like, this Nigga is always involved with someone else's Woman, well you probably might be wrong in this situation)
i just found out she was married because she has never worn her wedding ring to class or anywhere that i have seen her. sooo that marriage issue is a big problem for me, sha.


Scenario 3:
hmmmm, i have known this girl for a good while, i dont speak to her as often as i should, but whenever we talk, it could go on for days if someone's phone battery doesnt die out. we are very much alike, maybe because we are born under the same Zodiac sign, maybe we just click just because, maybe if i whole heartedly believed in soulmates she would be the closest thing to mine. Around her, im fully myself, i am comfortable but yet, she also challenges me to be better than the present me that i am. We have a good amount of history together, no matter who i have been talking to, she has always been in the foreground. if i were to make a short list of people i would want to be stuck on an island with, she would be on all my short list. i believe we are still very much attracted to each other, and we can build a relationship together if we ever decided too.
but the problem is........
we are hella busy, she stays about 20 mins away from me, but we probably see eachother probably once in a month if anything, We usually have to plan like 3 weeks in advance to make sure our schedules coincide for us to be able to meet. she has a whole lot of stuff going on, and im proud that she is about her business. she is applied for her PhD and she got into 4 different schools of her choosing, though her school of choice is 5 hours away by airplane, and 14hrs by Car.... we have both agreed that we cant really handle long distance relationships, because i just dont think those things work. Plus im the kind of BF that likes to see his GF atleast 2 to 3 times a fucking Week, call me needy, call me possessive, call me Psycho, but thats just usually how i am. Soo this wouldnt really work. 


Sooo, as you see, these are Just Scenarios that Falling in love is really not an Option.

Would you Rather: Part Uno

if you are new to my Blog and you arent following me, hit the follow button, i appreciate the support. leave a comment too, it saves the lives of kittens all around the world. 
Sooo, Quick updates.... life is still busy. im neglecting to reply my Comments (i have long drawn out replies that im keep procrastinating to reply about).... im Glad some of you like the last Poetry, i did put alot of thought and heart into all my poetry, especially my last one. 
i always wanted to get myself a DSLR, and i finally got one.... Yay me. sooo im stuck figuring out whether i should open a Tumbler for Photos or i should just add a Page to this Blog for my Photos.... im still learning proper composition and im not too certain if im going to be taking street photography or anything, but all i know is that my DSLR is gonna make me hella occupied. 


now, im gonna start like a weekly quickie post, and it would be a "Would you Rather?" series, i give two options and i give you guys the option of choosing only one of the options you would rather choose and you could leave a detailed reason as to why you choose what you chose. by the end of the week, i would re edit the post with my own personal Answer to the Question i asked. 


sooo, the first Question is


WOULD YOU RATHER?


be with a spouse/husband//boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other who


a) had a Beautiful Face but an out of shape/super undesirable body. a Beautiful face enough to make to want to stare at there facebook Page for hours at a time, but the body was bad enough that you winced anytime you caught a glimpse of their full body, even if there were fully clothed. if there was a rating scale the Face would be a 9 or a 10.... but the body would be about a 3 or a 4. 


OR 
b) a Incredibly Sexy Body but a Butter Face. When i say incredibly sexy body, i mean the whole world seems like a better place when the person is Prefereably half naked/Fully naked. No matter whatever the person put  on, the clothes just seemed like they were made for him/her. the person's Physique is the kind of Physique Greek Gods and Goddesses were modeled after.
though the person's Face was something else entirely different. You couldnt look at the person's face without wondering how a body like his/hers got stuck with a horrible Face like that. Basically on a rating Scale, the Body would be a 9 or a 10..... but the Face would be a 3 or 4. 




Sooo... these are the options, there is a catch though. the person with the beautiful face and ugly body cant have plastic surgery, the person cant fix their body, sooo you are essentially stuck with the Pretty/handsome face but ugly body.... and for the Greek God/Goddess Body and ugly Face, no amount of makeup or plastic surgery can fix their ugly too. sooo those are the options and those are the restrictions. i would like to see what your feedbacks would be. 
Leave your Comments below. 




UPDATE:


i personally, i would prefer a less than mediocre face and a 10/10 body.... Why? well thats because being cute alone isnt enough to turn me on, and in situations where i have had to choose the face or the body, i have chosen the body. Most Guys are probably like me and they would choose the Body too. Clearly, What is the point of being with somebody and they dont have the ability to turn you on? well thats just how i look at it. 

WHY Men and Women can Never be FRiends: MALE PERSPECtive

Soooo, i guess its better to clarify this post, this is from a males perspective... but as they say, you need 2 people to be in a relationship, sooo if one person is in a relationship and the other person is not in a relationship, then it isnt considered a relationship. 


im posting this later than i woulda liked.... but you know the same ol excuse im about to give, "i was Busy"... lol. Sooo happy New Month i guess. I dunno February just seemed extra long (duhhhh leap year), i guess it gave us one more extra day of black history. 
My last post was intentionally intended to be a short post, but for some reason, my fingers wouldnt let me stop typing. maybe that was just an early april fools for all my readers.... sooo April Fools then. what can i say, i guess im just that revolutionary and rebellious, April fools in February, Genius idea. i should patent that idea. "Thats Hot" #paris.hilton.voice.


now i swear this post is actually short, no tricks up my sleeve. #evilgrin

The Art Of Moving ON

Hey Blogville. happy Post Valentines, i have been busy lately, trying to stay on top of things with school and work. My Valentines day was just another day, but i had zero expectations for the day, so i guess it was perfect being like that. i have been itching to write this post for quite a while, but things always came up. i have been working more hours at work, taking more classes and hardly been sleeping, Sooo whenever i have really been free, Sleep has always won the war. I bet you guys know i love my sleep more than i love most things. 
i almost cant believe Feburary is almost over, Dang, and i almost didnt put a post up. 
this is probably going to be a short post, because i need to get ready for Work in about an Hour. 


Sooo, here it goes, the Art of moving on. 
this seems very simple, but in practice it is very hard to do. We all have to move on at one point in our life, and the truth is, break ups are never that easy, then completely being able to move on over a person, that is almost always very impossible. We all look for ways to cope with the situation. we have defense mechanisms that we employ to live life as if we are back to normalcy. 


You would think that with the number of Ex Girlfriends i have had, i would find it easy to be able to move on... well, truthfully, no matter how many breaks up i have been in, it never gets easier. All the feelings attached to moving on might seem familiar, but the process doesn't ever get easier. i only wish it did. though, i know that, the more invested you are with the person you are trying to move on from, the harder it usually is to break apart from the person. 

OverDue

I know i have been gone for a moment too long.... honestly, i have been struggling to find the right words to type. i am a cesspool of emotions right about now. usually, my blog is a place i come to bare it all and unload, but these past few weeks, i havent been too sure if i wanted to be vulnerable and naked. this blog is a form of online journal of a sorts for me. i spill floods of emotions onto this space, my emotions are not always coherent and my thoughts are not always in order, but my intentions are usually true to form. If i hardly make sense on this post, it is because i gave up on trying to make sense of all my internal struggles. 


my thoughts have weighed me down for a while. hopefully, when all is said and done, i would be able to weightless, atleast for a little while, before i burden myself with newer issues. 


Warning: Relatively long post ahead

Yay its my Birthday

Hello.... 


Yay, its my Birthday..... well it was my birthday like 3/4 days ago, but it still feels like It was my Birthday Yesterday or something. Soooo, Happy freaking birthday to me, so Yay me. As i previously mentioned, i had/have no birthday plans.... i literally didnt do anything for my birthday, and i enjoyed it. i stayed home, slept in, didnt have any classes, took some time off work, i did meet up with my Good friend and my God Son (yeah, im not sure i have ever mentioned that i have an absolutely adorable God Son, so im a God Daddy)... i did receive alot of calls from my Loved ones, and BBMs and Texts and Emails.... so i did feel very special. i appreciated every single birthday wish i was given. i even had an Early morning prayer from my mum, it was too cute.... im agnostic, but with the gravity of the words which she uttered, it would have felt like a sin if i didnt say "Amen" like i meant it. 




But for the most part,