im a lover of life, im a lover of soul and things that breathe, im a lover of love and like everyone else, i long to be loved.... i often get in the way of loving life truly with no restrictions, because i sometimes accept the limitations within society, im human so i err, that also means im unique, just like everyone else. :)
Disclaimer: this is a long post..... you may need to take some time out before you read this post.
disclaimer 2: dont say i didnt warn you.... dont complain because i already told you before hand.
Fucking Insomnia, the Selfish little Bitch has Stricken again (stricken sounds so grammatically wrong, but my spell check says its right) . i tossed and curled up all night, trying to look for rest, but i desperately can not sleep. i initially wanted to write the post when i had had adequate rest so my emotions would pour onto the page organically and logically (like emotions are ever really logical) and so that i would make sense. i dont want to sound like im a rambling buffoon on my blog.... not that i should care, but i care.
I often think up topics i want to explore and discuss on my blog, but i never publish them because im worried i would never be able to shed enough light or i would not be able to put in words, the justice that a piece deserves, so basically i shoot myself in the foot and i decide not to write the topic because i feel im not a good enough writer to deal with the multifaceted dimensions that the topic merits. well, as from today, i say Fuck That (see when im tired but i cant sleep i tend to have a potty mouth), so im writing about " The one we want Vs the one we Need"
im going to define the terms the best way i know how to, but remember, my name is not wikipedia or Britannica sooo my definitions are just loose terms according to me.
so "The One you Need" the one you need is that one person that comes into your life and immediately makes you want to change for the better, the person makes you want to be a better version of you, the person adds meaning to your everyday life, the person is someone you can possibly see yourself with married and with kids, its the person that you want to be stuck on an island with, or rather you want to be stuck in the house with on those cold rainy days. its the person that makes
i have a problem, its a slight case of insomnia.... i often find it hard to fall asleep most nights.... my body must have gotten used to me working overnight shifts over time that i find myself much more sleepy during the day.... this issue made sleep through summer, literally. i never once went to the beach during the day all summer, even though i was amped about going all winter and spring. its such a shame... so im usually wide awake all night long, only if im on some super strong happy pills aka (Rx Painkillers, dont dismay, it was prescribed to me legally for a good reason, i dont abuse drugs.... ok maybe i do a lil, but not often)
being awake at this time and having insomnia wouldnt be too bad, but the stupid thing is i have class early in the AM and i really should be asleep. the catch 22 is, i often ignore my BBM messages at this time because im trying to go to sleep, but i dont get to go to sleep as fast as i should.
the known things that really help with knocking me out are
Pain killers reading a boring book and good sex (not in any order, mind you)
Painkillers::::: im all out of the good stuff, so i cant do that now
Reading a Boring Book:::: my mind is soo alert that a boring book would probably not help right now
Good Sex::::::: im supposed to be abstinent while this semester is in session but fuck it (pun intended)...... (im not good at staying away from temptation, sooo i know i would fail at this a couple of times during my semester)
Sooo while im waiting for sleep to carry me away, i realized that there are some commercials i find freaking hilarious on insomnia TV.... i dont care, im a dork for liking commercials, there are some that i get super excited when i see them come on...
Commercials make the world a better place, trust me. i even know the scripts to some of my favorite commercials, so i would leave you with a couple of commercials that i currently like,
AXE BOYFRIEND
haha this one is freaking hilarious.... the look on rogers face after is priceless.... lol.
AXE MANNEQUIN
lol... this one too is hilarious....
Hanes Special Paste Commercial
The Husbands look when the wife calls his idea stupid, is sooo priceless... almost like O_o ... woman, my idea is a master piece.
Planet Fitness Bang Bang
haha.... Bang Bang bang, i need to put my email address down?? ok
Petco Goodlooking Doggie im not too big with dressing Doggies up or down, but there is something about this dog that just makes me smile :)
Mcdonalds Credit Card Roulette
This isnt the exact commercial that is running on TV but if you ever see this commercial on TV, you would understand why i like this commercial.
Anyways, leave a message telling me what you do to fight the insomnia, what commercials make you smile or whatever the case maybe.
this is a random post, the real one may or may not be coming on soon after.
Sooo apparently, if you are involved in the nigerian bloggosphere, you would have realized that there was a discussion about Pro Gays & Anti Gays, unfortunately for you, im not going to discuss that in this blog. i know i might have said a few incendiary remarks while trying to defend my view point, sooo if anyone got their feelings hurt, let the healing process begin. im sorry.
This post is going to be sweet and short, hopefully.
Can i call myself crazy if i hear voices in my head, or do i just label it as something else, like "creative insight"? dont worry, the voices i hear usually advice me to do good things, so i guess its ok. i have been holding out from blogging because im certain people would easily judge and say, "this nigga is Crazy". its not Kosher to use the N Word, but i only used it because i assumed other people in the world actually say the word in their minds. though i must admit, i sometimes think i might be crazy, or that i cant tell for certain that im not entirely crazy. i have come to realize that the mind works in very strong and mysterious ways. i have read articles and i have also taken cognitive Psychology classes about how the human mind works. The Human mind is Scary and entirely fascinating.
Im not a Writer, and i sometimes struggle with proper communication of all the words that roam around in my head, i try my best at communicating effectively, but i know i fall short by a mile or more. I only think about the voice in my head because at any given time, i always feel like im trying to suppress things that are running wild in my head. Not everything i say or write would be received positively.... i almost dont care if it isnt received positively (but as humans, we all tend to want to be loved or liked)... i often have opposing ideas or opposing moral views in my head. it almost feels like there are two MEs in me.
i have the good boy trying to be happy, staying positive, trying to find myself in a healthy happy committed relationship with a person that i can build something with, then i have the evil person that creeps in when i least expect it, im devious, im emotionally unavailable, i objectify material things and i have not depth to me. this forum is not my psychiatry office and you are not my psychologist, i have a lot of growing to do. All i can do is grow and pray for personal growth, we all have some disturbing issues, some have more issues than others, i can only hope anyone who wants to stick around me would have as many issues as i do.... whats that saying, misery loves company. im broken and i tend to fare better in relationships with someone whom is just as broken.
besides all that emotional, melancholic bullshit..... here are some updates..... school is back in session, work has always been in session, im slacking big time on my gym and i need a workout partner or some crazy motivation.
an Artist you need to check out is The Weeknd, the group is going to blow up like Drake did. he is Hedonistic and absolutely genuis, he work is very dark, so if you are happy go lucky, stay the hell away from his Work. his work is totally polished, and well done. i just discovered "the Weeknd" over the Weekend (pun intended) and i cant stop playing his two mixtape albums. You can download his free Albums from his website, CLICK ON THIS TEXT 4 LINK
its 5 aM in the Morning, i should be sleeping but i had to write this poem, its been on my mind for a few days so i had to let it out before it engulfed me.
Poem My love is Toxic Sooo please don't fall in love i have a trail of broken hearts buried behind all my innocent smiles its a graveyard of love my kisses are psycho tropic drugs so only kiss my lips if you are ready ready to overdose on all my false hopes im just a bit down now give me a few seconds lemme take my happy pills now, i swear i can promise to be happy to be happy with you forever or until i come off from my high but in either case i can only beg you please, don't fall in love with me
