a little bit about me (my Elevens)

here are a few Random things about me..... 

this is going to be a form of the Elevens that i was tagged by about 2 months ago. 

1) I procrastinate

i procrastinate way too much, i often under estimate time and my ability to get things done and finished. i have a lot of things or projects i should have done about 3 years ago that i havent gotten too. i know this is a serious problem for me, and i hate this sooo much about myself. i can never commit to a schedule. it is something i have been trying to work on, but its very difficult. case in point, i was to make a post about the elevens which i got 3 tags for ages ago, im just making a makeshift post now. 

2) im Agnostic

When it comes to religion, i have very strong reasons and opinions for it and against it. i try to stay out of religious conversations because i hate being that Dude that every one thinks is going to hell. i didnt wake up one morning and become Agnostic and No, no huge event happened. What made me become agnostic was i started reading up on the history of religion and i watched documentaries and i continually see people of power within religious institutions and how they abuse the power. i personally think Religion is helpful for people who face oppression and need a greater purpose to face their current reality.  Anyways, lets move on from that, and i really do hope no one is gonna give me shit about Religion on my blog. its my belief and thats that. 

3) im a dreamer

i have a problem with taking one moment in time (sometimes the current moment im in) and then i start to extrapolate on that moment, i look into the future of what that moment could turn too. i do this way more often that i should. i do this with relationships/crushes, i do this with my Day, i do this even my meals, e.g. i might meet a girl and say hi, then i start to dream about whether her name sounds good with my name, if we had kids, what the kids would look like, e.t.c.... you see stupid shit like that. 

4) im weird

i have an obsession with the NYtimes and time.com. i dont read books often, but i read alot of opinion editorials, Journals And Studies that get published on these websites. often times try to stay current with political and financial editorials. i know most of the things i read cant help me with daily conversations with the average person but i just like being current with current events. 

5) i think im smarter than i actually am

if you asked me, i would swear to you that im a genius, but i just dont have the proof to back that claim up. Maybe its all the Articles i read online and the news i watch and Documentaries im intrigued by. Truthfully, i know im no where near a genius, but it makes me happy to think to myself that i am a genius. haha. im really no genius, im just very disillusioned. 

6) im awkward at phone conversations

i cant stay on the phone longer than 5 mins without me looking for an excuse to hang up.... i guess i have a phone phobia. i never call any of my friends, im certain i have lost a lot of friends because of this, but i just dont know what to say over the phone and i feel like when im on the phone for long, i wasting time on the phone when i could be saving that time to do activities that are in front of me. My phone phobia is probably one major reason i dont ask people for their phone numbers, when people offer me their phone numbers i relunctantly accept. i often pretend like im saving it in my phone but i usually dont. 

7) i Love love like love like like Girls

i love girls alot and i realized i love girls way too early at the Age of 5 years old. i remember the first girl i liked. i remember trying to look up her skirt in church at the age of 6. i suggested that we play House, i was the Dad and she was the mum, and i said we need to fall asleep soo i was using style to tap current by holding her arms and legs as we pretended to sleep on the rug of the church during sunday school. she was the highlight of Church for me. 

8) i am not a Virgin

i lost my Virginity way too early... i was probably around 7 years old when i did lose it. it was to an older Girl, a much much older Girl. Truth be told she came on to me, but i really didnt understand fully what was going on. All i know was that i enjoyed the feeling. i think that incident shaped my view about sex and it probably explains why i sometimes get attracted to older women. 

in normal circles, it could be argued that what happened to me that young was sexual abuse but .......

lets leave it at that.

9) Me and Dating

Females from my job often tell me that im going to end up marrying a white woman... im often puzzled by this idea. Truthfully, i really dont care what Race of woman i marry or that i date. i believe attraction and beauty comes in different shades and shapes. i dont have any preference with regards to dating when it comes to Race or Religion.... What i often look at when i date someone is their personality, how attracted i am to them, how respectable they are and if they can keep and hold an intelligent conversation.... well and also if they are Educated and if they are into fitness lifestyle. i cant date a female who doesnt see education as being important and i cant also date someone who isnt willing to put the effort into taking care of themselves physically. 

10) Me and Death

in my Adult life, i have come close to death twice in my life..... one was a Car Accident and another was A close Drowning in a lake. the Car Accident was a Few years back, my first car, i was racing and being reckless and my car crashed, it flipped over about 3 times and it was completely totalled. i came out of the accident without a scratch, and when the paramedics came i was told that the only reason why i surived was because i was wearing my seatbelt. (anyone who comes into my car, knows how much i neurotically tell them to put on their seatbelt, im like a seatbelt police) and the other incident was more recent. i do have a little issue speaking about it now, but im just glad that im ok. I know death is a part of life, and their was a period of time in my life that i even flirted with taking my own life, but for some reason im still here, and im just glad for every day that im alive on loan. 

11) My Greatest Fear

When i was young, my greatest fear was Cockroaches (i think every little boy i know was scared of cockroaches), now as i have grown, my fear itself has grown, from something tangible to a few things that are intangible. i dont have one particular fear. but one that i can readily divulge is the fear of unaccomplishment. i keep thinking to myself, if i were to die now, No one would care, the world wouldnt even blink, some of my past friends may not even know, not too many people would care or cry. im not afraid of death, im afraid of the emptiness that my death would represent. i have no kids, i have no accomplishments, i just have me. And truthfully, that scares me. 

sooo thats it, my Elevens. 

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