lets keep this on the hush

After my last post, i have been abit hesitant to put anything else up. Probably because i feel the need to be abit cautious, especially since im not really an Anonymous blogger. Well its probably too late to become anonymous right now, or is it? anyways, to hell with it, this blog is therapy to me, i often come here to vent and to voice my frustrations about life and the drama that surrounds it. i had a therapist a while back, but therapy cost Grande Dollars, so i had to quit it.
For anyone who felt something happened to me, im alright and still breathing, so no memorial service or wake keeping yet.
a while ago, i looked introspectively at my relationships and i discovered that i havent been in a relationship which i havent cheated in. Thats really bad, No? i guess i am a pro at unhealthy relationships. who would have thought that?
sooo, i have still been up to no good, dont blame me, im attracted to the dark side.

No Good deed number 1
my most recent Ex broke up with her current boyfriend, and as with all relationships, we all look for rebounds, she called me up to vent her frustrations and concerns with her now current Ex, we stayed on the phone for 3 hours, she talked about how ungrateful he was, how much love she had poured into her relationship and how hurt she was that it ended on this bad note. the cause of the break up was irrelevant because all the while we were on the phone, my mind was circling back to "How good the sex was when me and her were together and i was wondering if she still Got it". i told her we could meet for drinks whenever we were free and she cheerfully obliged. we set the date and things were set in motion. a week later we met up for drinks and we had a little conversation going, i decided against making a move on that day, sooo when we said our goodbyes i tried to give her a kiss on the Cheek, a kiss on the cheek transformed into an all out french kiss. Damn, i forgot how much of a good kisser she was, i told her i had to go and nothing developed further on that day. fast forward a week later and we texting and arranging meeting up. We originally made plans to go lounge hopping in the city, but the afternoon of our date, she sent me a text saying "Fuck the City Lounge Hopping, there is only one thing on her mind right now" She continued that "If we meet, we are going to have to sleep together because she has needs", its always been hard for me to turn down sex with a female that i was attracted too, soo i succumbed to the dark side and obliged her request. She reminds me of my favorite pair of jeans, Comfortable, dependable and accentuates me in all the right places. She isnt the best sex i ever had but she is Close. After our escapades, my mind did settle back into reality, there is no future with her and all i have with her is just the past, there is alot of healing and growing she has to do and she definitely has to do it all alone to appreciate it. after our encounter, i have definitely distanced myself even though we promised to meet up for more sessions.

No Good Deed Number 2
the Married woman from my last post, i know i said i Quit her but i guess i told you guys a half truth, i tried to quit her but things didnt work out as planned. i think for now we are in the Happy medium of a Friends with Benefits package, we dont talk as often as we used too, but when we meet we are hardly ever talking anyways. i keep telling myself that im going to quit and stop but im certain that this is my year of unhealthy habits. i really did try to quit but.........
ok all the excuses i came up with are not reasonable enough for me to still be messing with her.

No Good Deed Number 3
an Ex of mine is married and i hardly talk to her, actually i dont talk with her, maybe a text every birthday and holidays but thats it. She has a beautiful daughter and a Husband she has been married to for a little while now. Ordinarily, our relationship had Highs and lows like no other. i have tried to be happy for her and her situation, but truthfully, she isnt too happy for herself. she stopped by unannounced this past weekend and im just soo thankful that she brought along her daughter. We talked, caught up on old times and she told me that she lost my number and had begged a number of our friends in common for it, they all told her to leave me alone (and i wish she listened to all their wise words of wisdom). She got my number back again and She definitely has been texting me some very compromising text messages. there are a few kinks in her marriage and im not sure i want to be the stray that breaks the camels back. Plus her hubby seems like a dude that would literarily kill me if i ever did anything. As reckless as i might be from time to time, im definitely not going to test these dangerous waters. Cheating with one married woman is one married woman too much, im not going to Add another one to head problems. i really do hope things work out for her.

Sooo maybe number 3 wasnt too bad, i actually had my logic kick in and im going to do my part in trying to save her marriage, probably suggest for a push in marriage counseling or something along those lines. i guess im not all bad after all, Maybe Santa would cross my name off the naughty list and put me on the nice list this Christmas. Who knows?

im in Dire need of a healthy relationship to save me from myself. the other day i almost signed up on Match.com .... im afraid in the near future i would soon be Jaded by Love if i keep on like this.