The Art Of Moving ON

Hey Blogville. happy Post Valentines, i have been busy lately, trying to stay on top of things with school and work. My Valentines day was just another day, but i had zero expectations for the day, so i guess it was perfect being like that. i have been itching to write this post for quite a while, but things always came up. i have been working more hours at work, taking more classes and hardly been sleeping, Sooo whenever i have really been free, Sleep has always won the war. I bet you guys know i love my sleep more than i love most things. 
i almost cant believe Feburary is almost over, Dang, and i almost didnt put a post up. 
this is probably going to be a short post, because i need to get ready for Work in about an Hour. 


Sooo, here it goes, the Art of moving on. 
this seems very simple, but in practice it is very hard to do. We all have to move on at one point in our life, and the truth is, break ups are never that easy, then completely being able to move on over a person, that is almost always very impossible. We all look for ways to cope with the situation. we have defense mechanisms that we employ to live life as if we are back to normalcy. 


You would think that with the number of Ex Girlfriends i have had, i would find it easy to be able to move on... well, truthfully, no matter how many breaks up i have been in, it never gets easier. All the feelings attached to moving on might seem familiar, but the process doesn't ever get easier. i only wish it did. though, i know that, the more invested you are with the person you are trying to move on from, the harder it usually is to break apart from the person. 



the funny thing is that you dont even have to be in a relationship with someone, before you decide that you might need to move on from the person. maybe the person you are investing those emotions  in are playing with your emotions and they cant reciprocate your feelings the way you want them too. But in either case, you wake up some day and you decide to move on. 
Since i have found myself in this situation countless times, i can give you a Psuedo Manual to moving on. I cant vouch that all my advice on moving on would work for everybody, but im certain it would work for someone out there. 


First thing you need to realize is that when you are to move on, whether the moving on was a choice of yours or a forceful realization by the other person, you have to recognize that you emotions would mimic the five stages of Grieving before you can finally move on from the person. 


5 stages of Grieving
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance


I Truly believe that Everybody needs to go through and accept these stages of Grief to come out at the end of the tunnel so that you can truly move on. there are stages of Grief, because no matter how you look at it, you heart is grieving the loss of the person you are moving on from.


Denial
Most people find it hard to accept the fact that the person who you seem to have invested all this time and emotion and devotion too, doesn't reciprocate the feelings in the manner they have provided. it really is hard to believe, because with every love story hollywood has pushed at us, when one person loves someone, the other person eventually loves them back. the formula that has been told your is, Boy meets girl, Boy falls in love with Girl, Girl falls in love with Boy, Boy and Girl live together happily ever after in bliss. But this hardly happens the way we have been socialized to believe. Reality usually happens, and its usually like this, Boy meets Girl, Boy falls in love with Girl, Girl kinda likes Boy, But Girl lives happily ever After with a Different Boy. 


Anger
This usually sets in when you feel the betrayal of your feelings. This emotion that you feel towards the other person (anger that is) is encouraged, you need to express it in a safe way. Most people repress this feeling and yet they dont know why the hell they are always soo damn mad at the world. Well, it usually is because a repressed Anger that should have been vented out in their love life was not fully flushed out and there is a case of transference of emotions to your outside world. Some people decide to skip this emotion all together and head towards the next stage, Bargaining


Bargaining
Some people skip anger, and instead bargain with their failed love interest, they decide, since we didnt work out maybe we should be "friends", or the bargain in some other certain way. they may drop the Relationship status, but then they bargain with having "sex", or the try to grapple with their failed love interest with whatever form of "Emotional Availability" that their failed love interest is willing to give to them. This stage is the 2nd scariest stage, because if you dont pass through this stage safely enough, you can sabotage the process of moving on. i know moving on is hard, but this is a stage that you have to go through and not look back on. When you bargain with a failed love interest, it is usually a recipe for disaster. it basically a prolongation of the eventuality of you breaking up and moving on.


Depression
After we have gone through the previous 3 stages, then the reality hits that, we might never really be with this person ever again. we have tried bargaining with ourselves and with the person, that didnt work, we have expressed our anger and we arent angry anymore, then the reality of depression sets in. When Depression sets in, thats when we need our support system like our family and loved ones by our side, we need to look for constructive vents and creative avenues in which we can use to counteract the depression we might be going through. the truth is, if we are going through Moving On the right we, we are going to be depressed, whether it is for a day, a week, a month or even more, we are definitely going to be depressed, but we should understand that the depression doesnt define us, and it would definitely not last forever. the same way it can not rain heavily for the whole year non stop, thats the way the depression wouldnt last entirely for the whole year. 


Acceptance
This is when we have cycled through all the stages, and we find the calm within our seas of emotions. we become at peace with ourselves. we become in tuned with all the emotions we have experienced, we learn to realize the unhealthy habits that lead to the need to move on, we learn to art of self love and acceptance. im not saying that you would be over joyed that when you shit, you would shit out rainbows and skittles, what im saying is that you would learn to be happy with yourself and satisfied with your choice to move on, you become stronger through the whole process of moving on, and you would learn to give yourself credit, and you would realize that you are as strong as you let yourself be.


The Truth is that, most times, when people try to move on, they never really cycle through all these stages. the stop way short before they reach the acceptance and self awareness stage. We all are social beings, we all tend to want to feel the familiarity of comfort that we once had with someone. Sooo, at first when people decide to move on, they do so reluctantly, it is because being without a certain person which we have heavily invested time and devoted love to is a very scary and uncomfortable thing. We usually dont like change, sooo we tend to stop at Bargaining or sometimes when we reach Depression, we tend to see it as a roadblock to tall for us to be able to climb, and because of that we cycle backwards towards Bargaining, and we become stuck with being comfortable with the person that we need to move on from. Truthfully, i have not always cycled through all the stages after every break up. i know a few of my Exs haven't thought of going through with the whole cycle, being by yourself is scary, especially when you have always been with someone who showed some sort of affection towards you, people hardly can bare the thought of being alone. 


Without cycling through all the stages, even if you dont go back to the person you are trying to move on from, you might possible jump into a relationship with someone who you might not be entirely compatible with, Just because we want to skip through the stages. This Creates the problem of not being completely Happy or Fulfilled with the Replacement person you are with and this also Hurts your progress with moving on from the person you need to move on from. 


there is no sense entering another relationship with another person when you are not fully over your ex. 
if you are not sure whether you are over your ex or not, ask yourself
1) How would it feel if you see your Ex in  another relationship?
2) How would you feel if you found that your Ex was Truly Happy?


if your answers are not
1) I would truthfully not be bothered by his/her new love interest
2) I would be sincerely happy for my Ex


then you have not moved on. 


Things you can do to make you Moving on much more successful
1) Deleted phone numbers, emails, contacts, photos and anything that reminds you of the person you are trying to move on from
2) Dont date anybody, till you are mentally ready. trust me, i have made the mistake of trying to date right after a break up or a process of moving on, and oh my God, it was a disaster. i usually do two things when i date when im not ready to date, i either start to compare the person i date to my Ex/Person im trying to move on from or i start to become real Clingy to the person im  trying to date. And there is nothing more unattractive than a clingy person you are dating. 
3) Under no circumstance should you try to open correspondence with the Ex, because all what this does is that it opens a can of shit worms, all the progress you might have made from growing and going through the stages might just fall flat on its head and collapse. 
4) Find hobbies and activities that make you happy and get you engaged. 
5) You have to realize that the whole process itself takes time, you can not move on without being able to realize that its going to take time. 


When you are cycling through the stages, it is best to become attuned with yourself and learn to rediscover what it means to be you. How do you expect someone to love you, if you have a hard time realizing what exactly it means to be you, and how do you expect to reciprocate the love someone has for you if you haven't learnt how to love yourself?
Use this time to rediscover and build yourself up. Be the kind of person you want to attract and learn to love yourself




here is a youtube video that i found very useful, it is a form of poetry on how to be alone. Enjoy

p.s. i havent forgotten, i owe you guys some poetry from me.... and i kinda lied about this being a short Post. hahahaaaaaa


p.s.s. if my week isnt too hectic, i would probably be posting another topic mid week. 


Soo let me know if anything i said helped. feedback is always appreciated.