im gonna make this post, short and sweet. i know i need to fully explore this topic but i dont have as much facts and i havent conducted enough surveys to back up my claims, these are just opinions stated from personal experiences that are limited to the small world i live and know.
so i think she has a race problem, its something i feel most women of color that i know seem to be suffering from. short narrative, this past weekend, i was catching up and having dinner with a friend that i hadnt seen in almost 2 years. i was in a Nigerian Restaurant in NYC (take a wild guess because i know that you know that i know that there are not that many nigerian restaurants in NYC that we dont know of.... p.s. i know that sentence sounds confusing, but take a deep breadth and breathe while you read it slowly in fragments. :)).... As me and my friend were having dinner, we met two middle aged women Who were very new york but had that afro centric vibe to them,
they werent Nigerians but they studied abroad all over, including Nigeria and they fell in love with it. So the restaurant has some sort of Nostalgia to them, and it reminded them of the times when they believed they could go save the world. these women were well educated, well travelled and well polished. Our tables were close enough that we shared conversations throughout our respective dinners. one of the women was spanish, the other was from the islands. they prodded and asked us every thing they could and they were very eager to speak Yoruba to me and my friend. So after much prodding, they asked us about the owner of the restaurant and if we knew him and if he really was a nigerian. we told them that he was and that his wife was actually in the restaurant at the time. we pointed to her, his wife was sitting by the bar minding her own business.
Their mouths dropped in shock after seeing the wife, the Owner of the Restaurant married a white woman. they went from being pleasantly surprised about the restaurant, too being so annoyed that i thought they just received some bad news, well actually they just received some bad news, and the bad news was that he was married to a white woman. i was sooo shocked that they were blatantly annoyed at the fact that the owner was in a biracial marriage, in the 21st century, i didnt believe that still happened.
That scenario i witnessed not to long ago is something that is still very much prevalent, within the black community and Minorities. i have had conversations with countless african american females about Black men. one thing i do notice is that black women cant stand a black man that marries or dates another race. And i have heard countless of single Black women proclaim "I can never date or marry another race except for a Black man or an African Man", or "Im only attracted to Black Men". To me, i this view point is ridiculous, i think we are all human beings and we should not try to limit the human experience or love to only one race. To those who believe in Soul Mates? my question is, what makes you think that your Soul Mate is Black? or Even African? to those who believe in God sending a mate or partner to them, What makes you think that God does not have a Chinese man or a White man in your destiny?
i personally dont think we should limit our scope of love or how we experience love, it is a beautiful thing, i dont have a problem dating outside my race, nor do i have a problem dating within my race. im open minded and i believe that True Love doesnt see race and it doesnt Limit itself in its trajectory of Growth and experience. I would hate to see any of the beautiful black sisters, friends, mothers and lovers that i know to limit themselves just because of the pigmentation of another mans skin. i am over slavery, i am over western civilization, i am ready to move into a post modern world where we can all love based on the capacity of a man and woman's heart. Am i wrong to say that?
i dunno, let me hear your thoughts on the issue, if you are a black woman, would you mind dating outside your race or is it something that can never happen because of a mans skins color??
so i am leaving you an unrelated poem, i actually got the inspiration from my previous post on My Dating Experience . i hope you enjoy it, and please do leave me your thoughts on the topic of the post.
Poem
My Heart Beats a little louder
whenever she comes around
hoping that she could hear
the rise and fall of each heart palpitation that i have
like aftershocks from a level 9 earthquake
the Heart tremors vibrate from the sole of her heels
to the pathways leading to my heart
she numbs all my residual pain
that have been left visible
by all my past failed relationships
she is the next best thing to Narcotics that i have
and i am hooked on to her
so every time she stands up to leave
i can hardly utter the words "Goodbye"
because my words get lost
somewhere between her lips
and the tip of my tongue
I just did a similar post. I don't see anything wrong with dating or marrying someone from another race. As long as both parties are doing it for the right reasons shikena. They can knock themselves out. Love is not color blind.
ReplyDeleteBSNC
I'm more likely to marry a white man over a man from Benin, but the truth is, I have not met a white man that has a good enough sense of humor to hold my interest.
ReplyDeleteIn short, I agree with BSNC, true love isn't color blind.
btw, BSNC, u can like to say shikena sha o...lol
white men, give my kids the added half cast beauty, I really don't mind...lol. If there were two men with all that I require and one was white, the other black. I'd definitely be kissing the black one goodbye....lol...and the white, hello :D
This is the problem. Your internalized self hate is so normalized for you that you don't even see the problem. Score one thousand for colonized and enslaved minds.
DeleteI think its silly to put limitations on who you can love or see yourself with. But i'd be tellin a bold-faced lie if i said my "black experience" and knowledge of the history of our (as in african-american) people didn't cause my soul to flinch whenever i see a well to do black man with a white woman (the bummy, no-good black guys can have as many white women as they wish lol). Its not necessarily disappointment in the black guy finding love with a white woman as much as it is the notion that he is with her BECAUSE she is white. I think that thats what bothers most af-am women who are anti BlackGuy-WhiteGirl. Its bad enough that society tells us we'll never be as beautiful or as acceptable as white women but to hear black men say that they would never date a black girl and they only date white/hispanic girls because white/hispanic girls are this and black girls are that...its hurtful. So i can understand why some people can get funny about seeing an interracial couple.
ReplyDeleteI've never dated someone who wasn't black but im not against it. I honestly just haven't come across anyone that i've been interested in and was interested in me.
... Good one, I don't have any problem with dating outside of my race ( a white guy has never reproached me sha oo). I don't think I have any problem with people that do, actually I know I don't, what I have problem with is Black male who make statements like "I am not attracted to black girls or I am not attracted to dark skinned girls" what is that about?seriously some Black guys will rather date a 250LB white girl than a Gabrielle Union looking sista. That is what I have a problem with I guess, I know you have to be attracted to the person you date, but some people just do it to feel "cool"
ReplyDeleteI do not have a problem with dating outside my race infact i am looking forward to doing that its just like "H" said i havnt found one that has that "mmm" that im interested in,im still on the lookout though
ReplyDelete@BSNC valid point, i checked out your post and yes its almost the same with mine. Great minds think alike, or minds just think alike shey. lol. Only thing is, i do think True love doesnt matter what color a person is, only if the person is Blue then thats weird.
ReplyDelete@H.... hmmm, so u are Absolutely sure that you would pick a White man over a Black man, who has the same values that you are looking for? Thats absolutely interesting, i would have never guessed from your blog post, but truthfully, we arent our blog post right.
@LadyNgo .... you raise very valid points, i dont agree to people who purposefully seek out another race or dog on their race saying that the women arent beautiful, the media already does a good job with telling us what is beautiful and what is acceptable, we dont need our race to add to the complexity of being accepted as beautiful
@9jafoodie.... yeah i def agree, i think its stupid to date outside your race just for those reasons. trust me, i know people who have dated unattractive people outside their race, just because it was another race, but trust me, even other males of that race wouldnt even date the ugly girls. (i hope what i wrote makes sense)
ReplyDelete@Mylife.... dont worry, maybe God is gonna send you your Brad Pitt... you never know.
im really Encouraged by everyones replies. thanks.
You're about to be disappointed with mine...lol
ReplyDeleteI don't care what anyone else does as i have family memeber who have married outside our race.
I do NOT see myself marrying anyone outside my race. I just have never been attracted to anyone 'outside'. There is a certain comfort that comes with being with someone who just knows the way things are without having to explain or teach them about my culture and/or vice versa.
To all your 'what if God...?' i say, the same God says he will give me the desires of my heart :D. If as i pray, i pray for him to make HIS desires MY desires and he makes me begin to desire outside my race then so be it....as i stand now oh...Naija for life!!
well.. different strokes for different folks right? .. I don't think there is anything wrong with people saying they are not attracted to a particular culture.. (this is diff frm saying THEY WILL NEVER date outside their race)
ReplyDeleteI also think it's a big problem when people start to get mad because someone else is or that will .. like seriously, what's there to be mad about?
I will date outside my race .. and I have found a few interesting people too lol ... when love/ like comes it comes irrespective of the race or culture.. it's best to just live
@Anonymous.... i like diversity in the comments section, i would hate to think everyone in the world had the same thinking bloc.... im glad you can admit these facts to yourself, and you make me realise that i wasnt crazy in making the statement that there are some people who cant see themselves with no other race but theirs. i respect you for your views. Hopefully you do come back often and shed more light on my future post.
ReplyDelete@Abi Tobi..... long time, lil secret, i kinda missed you too... you know im not too surprised that you are that open minded, i hardly know any Sagitarrius individual who isnt open minded or Artsy in so many ways. i usually get that fiery connection with Sagitarius women, but as i said, its fiery because we often times are so alike, so it could be crash and burn. but, thanks for view point most appreciated. :)
I feel its a personal thing. If you are open minded, go for it. But if you are attracted to people of just your race, life still goes on. There no use condemning anyone because they don't have the same opinion as us. As for the people that intermarry for prestige, then they lack self-esteem.
ReplyDelete@ilola... you bring up a very good fact, that basically That what one person eats does not make another person shit. We date people for different reasons, i would hate to probe all the reasons why anyone would want to date me, even though i get curious sometimes.... but its true, its basically their business.
ReplyDelete@EVERYBODY
IT HAS COME TO MY NOTICE THAT, NO ONE EVEN PAYS ATTENTION TO MY POEM ANYMORE, SHEY I SHOULD STOP PUTTING POETRY AT THE END NI? EGBA MI OH, JOR OH. SHEKINAH.
(As you can see, i wrote in all caps so you know that im shouting at everyone. SMH)
I LOVE the poem! Thanks for sharing with the blogworld :)
ReplyDeleteLucky for me, I don't see color but I have a preference...
ReplyDeleteOn another note,
"What makes you think that God does not have a Chinese man or a White man in your destiny?"
This reinforces the the theory I once heard that everybody has more than one soulmate and if you're lucky to find the one, its because you were in the right place at the right time to meet that person...
Lmao!!!! awww i love your poems but i love listening to poetry than reading it
ReplyDeletelol @lovelife4sale we rock :D
ReplyDeletelol don't worry we still like your poems :)
@Evelyn Parkside.... Awwwww, thanks for the feedback on my poem, finally, someone said they like my poetry.... Yay me.
ReplyDelete@MosaAkin..... Hurray for being Color Blind to love, thats always refreshing. im a Skeptic of SoulMates, i dont think its impossible, i just think its improbable.
@MyLife..... Yay, funny enough, im split about reading and listening to it, as long as its good, i can do both
@AbiTobi.... Yeah missy, i know we rock *fistbump*
I read all the comments as always (comments are cool. well sometimes or maybe most times depending).
ReplyDeleteOk.. so back to your blog, where do I start (rolling eyes). Not only am I open-minded, am also very versatile or should I say dynamic in my views.
I dont see colour too even though society has drilled into me. If I was born in a place that everyone looked the same but had different skin colour I would not be so shocked. Probably wont even notice. Again its does depend.
I hate the notion of black and white. Though the concept is very much embedded in society and as become part of our world.
(Made a mental note)to raise my children to know it is just a different skin tone that is all.. No body is white or black but people have different skin shades. I.e. a Caucasian person could have pale skin. Will say they are white? Pale and White are two different colours?? Right?
An Afro-Caribbean person could have brown skin or lighter brown skin tone. Will I say they are black?? Nope, saying that means everything thing including their tongue is black my opinion. Besides I hate the word black already brings to mind dirt i.e charcoal, (will stop ranting now).
Back to dating race,as far as I am concerned I have always loved diversity. If I marry a Nigeria well good if I marry a Non-Nigerian good too. As long as certain things are right mehn am good to go.. Love can find anyone.
To share a mini story (My eldest and only sister loves and i stress loves Chinese and Korean dudes. She is going to CHINA to find her soul mate. As in this is something she prays about and passionate about too (so cool, I pray she finds a gorgeous godly hubby too).(It would be so awesome, loves mixed culture.. excited at the thought already).
Mum is open-minded too so we are all open-minded in my family. In fact if anything she wants us all to marry outside Nigeria.
Pardon the long essay(looks like I have a lot to say).