if the person you are in love with remain the same person you fell in love with. if the person you fell in love with, was nice and caring and affectionate. if the person remained that same way all through out the relationship, you would be hard pressed to not still be in love with him. the problems arise when a person who you fell in love with changes.
if it is a person who always called you every evening, who wanted to spend all the time in the world with you, if the person enjoyed you good conversation and no matter how often his mind roamed, it always found it way back into you and the thoughts of you. but if this person happens to stop being so considerate or caring or if his/her affection decided to sway either slightly or a lot, then the feeling of love begins to feel vacant in the relationship.
so it begins to beg the question, is there ever a such thing as unconditional love???? i would want to believe that there is, i have heard countless stories of people who have been together with their spouses through thick and thin, from when a spouse loses his limbs to when he loses his job and such things, and i give them much kudos and pow to their elbows. but am also a realist and i see things for what they are. not everyone in the world would be able to stand by their spouse on issues like that. The notion of a person loving you regardless of whatever happens is truly something special, especially for a hopeless romantic like me. i mean, finding someone to love you when you have you best foot forward is something special, but then finding someone to love you when you are at your darkest emotional hour is another thing. within human interactions, we usually present or project the best possible form of ourselves to other people, so in general people hardly ever meet the insecure, anxious or paranoid ridden person we have hiding in the closet of our souls.
so if you were to love someone unconditionally, what would happen if a few scenarios happened to the person you loved, would you still love him/her? or would you be like, maybe we need a break from us and our relationship or marriage. im certain when people take the vow of marriage, im certain they have unconditional love in the back of their mind (or at-least what they think is unconditional love) but yet, divorce rates have been on a step ascent (i hope im not sounding churchy or off topic).
So if you were to claim that you would love unconditionally, then ask yourself this question. what would you do if you found out that the person you were happily in love with for X years (X= algebraic expression for unknown) was
1) a Drug dealer who happened to sold drugs to help pay for all your gifts and daily living?
OR
2) a Child Molester who happened to produce Child pornography
OR
3) a Sociopath who had no real form of guilt or who synthesized emotions to get what he/she wanted from you?
OR
4) a Murderer or a serial Killer who needed to kill to function in society
OR
5) an Addict and abuser of drugs and/or substances illegal or legal
OR
6) a Physical Abuser who domestically abused you because his parents always did that to him?
OR
7) a Mania Depressive riddled with various other mental illnesses?
okay, okay, okay, i know these are all serious things to hide from someone else, but these are all things that could also possibly happen to anyone of us.
my question is, would you still love this person? would you still want to be with this person? or would you just up and leave this person?
i personally know what the hell i would do if i where faced with this kind of situation of possibility. im drama free, and i like keeping shit that way. i would be like deuces (chris brown voice in background). i know we all have issues, but we sometimes cant or wouldn't want to deal with a person who appears to have more issues than us.
we all have flaws and we are all searching for love, but at what point does the flaws we have impede on the quality of love we can get?
Poem
i am tired of the me of today, which i am stuck with
i know i would be new and improved by tomorrow
but i am not sure if i could wait that long anymore
the voices in the my head keep telling me to jump into the abyss already
and all the corners in my room keep creeping closer
i would pretend i don't notice all these strange irregularities,
But the voices in my head tell me "its all in my head"
i would pray, if only i remembered how to
so i welcome my demons
with little or no resistance
i can only hope
i am still here in the morning
leave me a comment on your thoughts of loving someone unconditionally and on whether you think it really and truly exist, and you could also leave a note about the poem too.
There's a difference between loving someone and being with someone.
ReplyDeleteI can love you unconditionally, but definitely not BE with you unconditionally.. in every relationship there are rules.. and for something like a physical abuser, you violate and break many of them...
You can still love a person while not being able to tolerate their choices as a girlfriend or wife... matter-of-fact, it's probably easier to tolerate them when u are not at the center of their drama.
This simplicity of my argument goes for situations where the person is choosing to change... not like someone who is now disabled.. I doubt a person would choose that. But once again, you can love the person unconditionally but cannot be with them because YOU yourself would violate the relationship. Perhaps they can't provide the physical aspects of the relationship anymore... or maybe they are emotionally unavailable because they are still trying to cope with their loss. You may seek comfort that is now lacking elsewhere.
I know that I can love someone despite their issues, but I probably can't be with them. I take the duties of being a Significant Other too seriously LOL. I could still be there for them, but not in the S.O. capacity. As for the examples you gave: I would definitely not be able to be with #2. There are a couple up there that I definitely think I could stay with, while the others depend on the person [and situation].. actually they all do (though, I expect that they'd seek help). But #2 is a no-no, no matter what. I don't think I'd even be able to continue to love that person.
Ur poem is banging. As a psych major, I can really appreciate it. It's a very good display of major depression.. or psychosis.
I agree totally with Niki I, there is a big difference between the two. You could love someone but can't be with them prolly cos of what they do and the rules you have set yourself for the relationship.
ReplyDeleteAs for ur poem, i love it. The poem sounds like ur inviting madness and sadness to you. I used to have depression so I can totally relate with the poem.
I chose to love that someone when i knew what they were *or what i thought they were*.
ReplyDeleteI will not because of that love tolerate behaviors or personality i did not was possessed by that individual. I cannot come and let one child molester deal with my child. I can still love him, but sure as will NOT stay with him. like u say....deuces!
PS...nice poem!
Everything Niki said leans towards the fact that unconditional love doesn't really exist between man and woman. God/man- yea, Parent/child- yea [sometimes a maybe even]
ReplyDeleteI hear the Love but not in love argument all the time...sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn't. Truth is selflessness isn't an easy trait/virtue. And to love unconditionally is to be selfless.
thank you all for the feedback. means soo soooo sooooooo much to me.
ReplyDelete@niki so bascially, you would love them but not be in love with them....
@d33 yup, im no more resisting the madness, resistance is futile.
@just....toluwa lol, so love is conditional shey?
@repone its an admirable trait to be selfless but it is an ideal, no one ever lives up to ideals. but as i said, im a hopeless romantic, i can only wish to be selfless.
I'm actually glad i stumbled upon your blog,very nice topic indeed.You were really straight about the topic and about yourself.However,unconditional love is possible,it happens.But truth is it is dependent on the present circumstance and what you are able to take.For instance,i loved my ex so much that i was willing to get married to her even though she had a baby,might not be able to have a baby for me,has cardio-respiratory condition and other personal issues.But i couldn't date someone who's a serial killer,i can't take that.So like i said,it is dependent on the circumstances and what the parties can take.That's my bit though.Nice blog!
ReplyDelete@9ja great.... so what happens if you get married to her and she does have a baby but its not yours??? yes you might still love her, but im certain your male Ego would find it had to swallow, its easier to love someone who loves you, but loving someone unconditionally even when the person doesnt love you is insanity. Yes love makes you do crazy things, but im certain there is a limit to the crazyiness.
ReplyDeletep.s. to everyone else, midterms are kicking my butt, but i should be putting out a blog by tomorrow, but no promises though. :)
I don't believe that being strictly IN love yields unconditional love.. and only in rare instances does being in love have the capacity for unconditional love. And when it does it takes TIME. When you fall in love with someone, you fall in love with a portrait.. a snapshot of the person AS IS. Yes, there may be some slight changes here and there, but when you refer to this snapshot, you can still see what you had fallen in love with. I feel like being in love is a fanciful affair.. something that can be easily severed by any uncomfortable change when compared to unconditional love... people fall out of love all the time because things change.. even distance causes people to fall out of love, which has nothing specifically to do with character change. To love someone unconditionally, to me, does not HAVE to mean that you are in love with them. Actually, it is a level beyond being in love, more mature, and can survive distance and time... and a slew of other (crazy) things. It means that regardless of how things change, or how far the person has veered away from resembling the snapshot you most favored, and though you may not appreciate the changes that exist, you find that you can and will... and MUST still appreciate THEM. I consider unconditional love to be a higher-order love. It is not something that everyone can give, it is harder to grant, and those who give it seldom ever do so with frequency. There are plenty of people who promise unconditional love when in love, yet when the 'in love' fades so does their ability to even CARE for the other person. So yeah, you can be both in love and love unconditionally, but it is only unconditional when love remains even if you fall out of being IN love with said person. But of course this is my opinion... And I hope my rambling made sense.
ReplyDeletei loved my ex bf very much. i started Dating him whilst I was 16 and I date him for 6 years. I left him not cuz I stopped loving him or cuz he dint have a job or as much money as I did, but I couldn’t be with him anymore. Couldn’t be with a guy that hit me thrice, no matter how much I loved him. It still ranks top three of the best decisions of my lifetime
ReplyDelete