disclaimer* I promise i really wanted to make this post short and too the point, but somewhere and somehow along the way it developed a life of its own.
The person in question is
actually my Ex GF. it is serious but not that serious. So i would give you a little run down. i want this post to be quick short and to the point, so i would leave out a few details here and there. i have been single for awhile, well basically for almost 9 months actually. We decided things weren't working out, so we decided to go our separate ways. the only problem is, im usually a person who is very guarded, but we had been together for about 2 and a half years and she had had enough time to tear down most of my guarded emotional walls. we had been together for so long that our relationship had reached that comfortable stage. i liken our relationship to a favorite pair of jeans you have, see your favorite pair of jeans are not necessarily your newest ones, because they are your favorite, they are usually comfortable, they fit you just right and you are soo used to them that you love them dearly. they may not necessarily be new, actually there are usually an old pair of jeans, and with time they would start to get a few holes and some stitches may become undone but there are still your favorite pair of jeans. so our relationship was like my favorite pair of jeans that had started having holes even though it was comfortable. so with the stupid holes in our relationship we decided to break up.
actually my Ex GF. it is serious but not that serious. So i would give you a little run down. i want this post to be quick short and to the point, so i would leave out a few details here and there. i have been single for awhile, well basically for almost 9 months actually. We decided things weren't working out, so we decided to go our separate ways. the only problem is, im usually a person who is very guarded, but we had been together for about 2 and a half years and she had had enough time to tear down most of my guarded emotional walls. we had been together for so long that our relationship had reached that comfortable stage. i liken our relationship to a favorite pair of jeans you have, see your favorite pair of jeans are not necessarily your newest ones, because they are your favorite, they are usually comfortable, they fit you just right and you are soo used to them that you love them dearly. they may not necessarily be new, actually there are usually an old pair of jeans, and with time they would start to get a few holes and some stitches may become undone but there are still your favorite pair of jeans. so our relationship was like my favorite pair of jeans that had started having holes even though it was comfortable. so with the stupid holes in our relationship we decided to break up.
i have currently had to relearn doing things without her, it was not easy (it never is easy, especially if you have been together with someone for so long), and i still haven't finished learning to be myself completely. the problem is, every time i start to get better or start to think that i am over my Ex, she finds a way back into my life, either it is by text or by email or by a phone call. then she says things like "i miss you", "i still think about you often", words that are hard to swallow and words that you imagine hearing often. so these episodes usually fuck my shit up (excuse my french).... so all the progress i think i have made from being able to find solace in myself comes crashing down, like a pack of unsteady rocks. so as recently as a week and a half ago, guess who the hell sends me an Email and calls my phone.... (if this was Jeopardy, im guessing you all would be millionaires) if you guessed my Ex you guessed right. So this time, now that she has tried getting back in touch, i am like, HOLD THE HELL UP, this Chick aint gonna come back and mess things up, So now whistles and bells and sirens are shooting off in my head, and i feel like i am about to lose everything or every little progress i have made so far, so i am panicking and swearing to give up any remnants of her for lent.
the problem is, its not that i miss her exactly or that i want her back, what i miss most is the intimacy me and her built. i had underestimated the power of intimacy and being comfortable with another individual. i miss the warm body and warm heart that i had constantly during the relationship. so when i do reminisce, the things i do miss most is the intimacy not her. The mere Fact, of just knowing that this person is being as vulnerable with you as you are with them. okay, so i guess i have rambled enough on this topic.
So as always, i would leave you all with a piece of work i wrote. i hope you all like it, and please don't forget to subscribe and/or Follow. its always appreciated.
poem
She is my dealer of pre packaged love
almost like a 5 minute microwaveable TV dinner
i know she is bad for all my vital signs
but she feels so familiar and convenient
it almost seems impossible to say no to the thought of her
as i force feed my logic
on how unhealthy we are for each other
but she loves me with all my flaws
no...... i stand corrected
she brings out all my ugly flaws
she is the thread to the fabric of my half truths
now i am in a corner
trying to stitch together all the pieces to my heart
we told each other a list of all the classic lies
"i love you" and
"we should grow old together"
so i have developed a love affair with all our favorite memories
now the thought of her remains heavy on my mind
but like a bad habit i need to quit
i am sorry, i have to give you up for lent
ok maybe not now,
but first thing in the morning
nice...
ReplyDeletelol @ "ok maybe not now, but first thing in the morning"
you probably will never do it (give her up) until u find someone who can give u that same intimacy...or more.
But then again, its you...u r weird! I doubt there will be any to match ur interest! lol!
You will be just fine.
ReplyDeleteIt would probably help if you had other stuff to focus on and had your friends and/or family occupy your time until you move on completely.
Also, it would probably help if you TOLD her to leave you the hell alone (in a calm way of course) and actually act like you mean it by ignoring her calls and what not. She'll figure it out eventually.
aww..it's always nice to stumble upon guy's with feelings and emotions. shows there's still some humanity in y'all. lol
ReplyDeletei always say it's never a good thing to hook up with your ex or do the whole second chance thing..so jst try to get over her(cos u obviously havent). u dnt have to jump into another relationship immediately, u cn just go on harmless dates with girls to take ur mind off her.
ok.... lemme explain properly oh, i dont miss my EX, Truthfully, i would be miserable and probably make her miserable too if we ever got back together. the only thing i miss is the intimacy, not the intimacy with her, but intimacy itself, for all i care, my Ex could be a purple Elephant, i dont or wouldnt even dream of getting back with the purple Elephant, all i want is the feeling back, i dont want her or anything to do with her.
ReplyDeletelol...@ ur last two lines...I agree with EDJ. U really should refocus ur energy n interests elsewhere till u can stand!.
ReplyDeleteRight now u're a lot wobbly. It doesn't help thinking about how much you want intimacy. We all want intimacy after we've been in relationships for a long while n sometimes even 3 minute relationships breed a constant want for intimacy, so there's nothing wrong with you but u need to stop thinking bout how much you want/need intimacy, it doesn't help.
U wud survive!
p.s: looks like u mite need more than 40 days, sweetie...lol.
9 months n it's still a battle
awwwwwww.. I think you should talk to her about the fact that you want some space from her (atleast for now); if she knew/knows you that well, she should understand...
ReplyDeleteYou probably need that to move on .....
and from her view, she prolly just wants to keep being friends and to know you r fine; good intentions hun..
i think you understand when i say... it should be her giving you up for lent...
ReplyDeleteBut still.. nice entry.
"but she loves me with all my flaws
no...... i stand corrected
she brings out all my ugly flaws" << Damn.
ok im gonna say it again one last time, i think everyone thinks this post is about me not getting over my EX, actually i am over her, i seriously would baff in my mouth, swallow my baff and baff it out one more time if i were to end up with her.
ReplyDeleteit makes a nice poem.
if there is anything i miss, its probably the idea of intimacy, not that im gonna run out into the streets looking for intimacy.
(i know defending myself may come off as sounding defensive and all but i think you have got me mistaken, @niki is probably right that my Ex should be giving me up for lent and from her memory like eternal sunshine for a spotless mind).
@toluwa you are spot on that i am weird, im so easy to get along with but way too hard to please, i dont even think if i was a female i would be able to please me
@EDJ you are definately right, i would be alright, i have been alright.
@kitkat i believe people are Exs for a reason, if you didnt break up because of distance, then the same reasons you broke up with a person would still be present if you do the whole second chance thing
@H .......... (thats all you get, dot dot dots, no words)
@Abi tobi i could care less what the hell she wants
@Niki Yeah those lines where the summary of the relationship i had.
hahaha....y?
ReplyDeletebtw Mr., it's barf :p
The whole barfing thing grossed me out, lol. OK I hear you, you don't miss your ex, bla bla bla...
ReplyDeleteTake EDJ's advice, find something else to take your mind off missing that intimacy. All the best, and have a blessed lent.
So I am so friggen annoyed lolll just typed an essay concerning your post then read your comments and deleted it ( 5 minutes of my life waste lol).
ReplyDeleteLove, your post says the complete opposite of your comment responses. .... I will just say I #Cosign with most Lads who commented ... you do NOT seem over her. Goodluck with your Lent objective, it sounds like failure (Sorry, ignore my pessimistic attitude I am in one of my moods lol) Sacrificing matters of the heart = Impossible.
Sadly my advice to you is try and Hate her, LOL Yeah I SAID IT!!!! LOL After-while,the hate subsides. But, sadly it works. Also please watch 500 Days of Summer, Best Relationship advice ever, especially after a break up. Lastly, be very careful concerning this devious creature called "The Ex" ... they are toxic!
IFNA said it best, I don't think you are over her because you wouldn't care about the intimacy anymore.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you just feel lonely?
I know that I went through this exact same thing last year and the only reason why I felt and wrote about it because it hurt and I wanted to tell people fronting like I was over it.
it is ok if you aren't over it because thats life, she was a big part of you life for 2 years and that is a long time. You can miss her or the intamacy or whatever excuse you are using because it is ok to have those feelings - but dont let it consume you.
Focus on the other things in life like: working out, school, a hobby you haven't done in a while and really miss.
Thoughtsof a Randomista
i stumbled on your blog and i love it,the shocker came when i realised this is a guy's blog its nice to know some guys still have feelings
ReplyDeletehttp://raspeberry.blogspot.com/
@IFNA lol at the fact you had to delete your 5 min essay. well.... maybe you girls are right about me still missing her, even if its fractions of her i miss and not even the whole package. i watched 500 days of summer, that was a beautiful movie, i actually loved it.
ReplyDelete@Myne i keep myself as busy as i can. im involved with school full time, i have an internship that i need to put 20 hours a week into, i have a full time job that is very demanding, im almost a health fanatic, so i actually go to the Gym often enough. so i do keep myself busy, and i hardly do think about her, its only when she sneaks into my mind with some jedi mind tricks by emailing or calling or sending a text.
@TOAR i guess we all need someone to love or feel loved by, actually we just need someone to actively participate and share in the experience in which we call life. sooo i guess im just yearning for that. regarding the hobby i havent done for awhile, i would say this blog is my own personal hobby, i forgot how to write poetry when i was with her, but im falling back in love with the highs and lows of words.
@My Life.... awww thanks i guess. we guys arent always totally devoid of feelings. we are people too. lol. we i am glad you love my blog and i hope you visit my blog often enough.