Hopeless Crush

I'm tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here
so tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
could I have missed my chance and watched you walk away

Love Song for No one By John Mayer

these lyrics speak to me right now... i havent felt soo alone in a long while. i almost cant believe that im actually admitting this on my blog. I dare to say that i have been single for long enough, and im actually thinking of settling down and being in a relationship. The only problem is that i keeping crushing on  girls who probably aren't available, either emotionally or physically. 

Am I the only person who becomes dumb and paralyzed when Im around a crush? i try to look for something smart and witty to say, but i come off as being rude and disrespectful, So i shut up so that i dont offend her more than i have too, then because im quiet, she begins to think that im boring.... im a total wreck to the future of my love life. 

I hate the uncertainty of falling without ever knowing if the other person would catch you.... i hate the feeling of being powerless, i hate over analyzing text messages i receive from her, i hate being so sensitive to whatever she says and i hate seeking attention without being given. I have almost given up on love but i so desperately want to love. 

things were much easier when all i wanted to do was have fun.... this love business is serious business. 

I know all i need to do is just sleep this feeling off, and if i wake up and this stupid feeling is still there, then i would have to try to sleep a little bit longer, as i try to hit the snooze button to my emotions. 

All i can say is that this Crush is going to be the Wreck of me.