Yay its my Birthday

Hello.... 


Yay, its my Birthday..... well it was my birthday like 3/4 days ago, but it still feels like It was my Birthday Yesterday or something. Soooo, Happy freaking birthday to me, so Yay me. As i previously mentioned, i had/have no birthday plans.... i literally didnt do anything for my birthday, and i enjoyed it. i stayed home, slept in, didnt have any classes, took some time off work, i did meet up with my Good friend and my God Son (yeah, im not sure i have ever mentioned that i have an absolutely adorable God Son, so im a God Daddy)... i did receive alot of calls from my Loved ones, and BBMs and Texts and Emails.... so i did feel very special. i appreciated every single birthday wish i was given. i even had an Early morning prayer from my mum, it was too cute.... im agnostic, but with the gravity of the words which she uttered, it would have felt like a sin if i didnt say "Amen" like i meant it. 




But for the most part,
i enjoyed my stress free birthday. In all my Do nothingness, i did have a lot of time to reflect. i reflected on my past year, on whether i had grown or matured at all, i reflected on the fact that i have good health and the wealth of True Friends. i also reflected on my Mortality, i have never been on to reflect on Death or dwell on the fact that im getting older and a step closer to the end of it all, but this day, i did reflect. i started to think about the things which were important to me, the people who have meant soo much to me, the emotions i have felt in my very small and limited life, the legacy i would leave behind (if i did indeed have any legacy to leave behind). And after all this thinking, i started freaking the fuck out......




it was a small freak out, but it was still a freak out none the less. let me explain why i freaked out, see the thing is, im human, and that means im abit vain and concieted, sooo i started to freak out when i realized that i had no form of legacy to leave behind me. See, if i died today, i realized that i have no form of Proof for proving to the rest of the world that i did exist (well, ok maybe im exaggerating a little bit here because i have birth records and other forms of paper works, but my point is i have no living breathing proof), because i didnt make as much of an impact in the world for the world to care about my existance.... we all have this fear soo, i know im not crazy.

 Most people who have this kind of fear solve it in a number of ways


a) Create something Revolutionary like Telephones, electricity or Internet
b) Become Extremely Wealthy
c) Do a lot of Philanthropy (that way, some building gets named after you)
d) Become a Specialist in your Field of Study so you get to name a formula after yourself
e) Have Children (preferably alot of Children)


Most people often do option E, just because its easily more attainable than the other options.


and i recently, just came to the Epiphany that i would want to invest in option E, in like the next 5 years or there about. That is some Break Through, because if you asked me this about 2 years ago, i was someone who was very adamant about the thought of having Kids.... i personally can bring up a lot of reasons why i think i should not have kids, and i did convince myself that i didnt really care for kids. But i guess age has started to show me the Errors in my ways. 


i guess it is probably because mortality has started to become an issue that lingers on my mind, i want to be able to leave an imprint of a mini me, who has my mannerism, who looks like me, who has my genetic code, just incase i do die more sudden than i had thought i would. i know having a baby in the future might be for selfish reasons, but im allowed to be abit selfish in this issue. i want a mini me. :). not now though, but probably soon enough. 


Being around my God Son day in, day out Shows how much of a joy and a miracle little kids are... how kids keep you more grounded, give you a greater purpose and a sense of self fulfillment. it probably does not help that out of the 3 good friends that i have, 2 of them are now Fathers. So, its me and my other friend (the one who likes watching Food Network, i mentioned him a few post back) that are the non fathers... and im guessing that, he would be the next person to be a father... my Bet is on him for now, and it would remain on him till further notice (see, he has a stable long term relationship with his Girlfriend which he absolutely adores, they have had parent introductions, they do weekend getaway plus he is already in his Career path, sooo its a matter of time.....)


Its Funny how time changes things, the last thing on my mind a few years ago was Fatherhood, now im more accepting about becoming one.... Hmmm, is it weird that i feel this way?