The One we Want Vs the One we Need

Disclaimer: this is a long post..... you may need to take some time out before you read this post.


disclaimer 2: dont say i didnt warn you.... dont complain because i already told you before hand.




Fucking Insomnia, the Selfish little Bitch has Stricken again (stricken sounds so grammatically wrong, but my spell check says its right) . i tossed and curled up all night, trying to look for rest, but i desperately can not sleep. i initially wanted to write the post when i had had adequate rest so my emotions would pour onto the page organically and logically (like emotions are ever really logical) and so that i would make sense. i dont want to sound like im a rambling buffoon on my blog.... not that i should care, but i care. 


I often think up topics i want to explore and discuss on my blog, but i never publish them because im worried i would never be able to shed enough light or i would not be able to put in words, the justice that a piece deserves, so basically i shoot myself in the foot and i decide not to write the topic because i feel im not a good enough writer to deal with the multifaceted dimensions that the topic merits. well, as from today, i say Fuck That (see when im tired but i cant sleep i tend to have a potty mouth), so im writing about " The one we want Vs the one we Need"


im going to define the terms the best way i know how to, but remember, my name is not wikipedia or Britannica  sooo my definitions are just loose terms according to me.


so "The One you Need"
the one you need is that one person that comes into your life and immediately makes you want to change for the better, the person makes you want to be a better version of you, the person adds meaning to your everyday life, the person is someone you can possibly see yourself with married and with kids, its the person that you want to be stuck on an island with, or rather you want to be stuck in the house with on those cold rainy days. its the person that makes
you want to share all your secrets, your insecurities, your darkest fears and your untamed dreams with. This kind of person is what i see as the person you need in your life or relationship. 
the Draw back is that sometimes, you may tend to take advantage of this person, because you know the person might always be there, or that the person loves you too much to leave. you may sometimes become used to this person or halfway in between the romance gets lost in between all the endless moments of bonding and comfortability that there seems to be no more mystery. So basically, the one you need may eventually become boring from time to time. 




"The One you Want"
there is nothing more tempting or alluring than wanting something you cant have (everyone knows this). the one you want is usually someone that you cant really see yourself with in the long term, but they seem really fun. they have a bubbly personality, you can hardly introduce them to your immediate family because she/he may be a party/bad/edgy person. there is nothing wrong with a little bit of edge, but you definitely know that your conservative parents would not appreciate that girl/boy with the multi-colored hair dye, that has tattoos all over their sleeves, has radically interesting world views and is rebel without a cause. The one you want usually should not make sense to you and logically makes no sense because you cant see a future, but the forbidden is always soo tempting. The one you want always starts off very innocent, it may be a person from your Geology class, or a friend of a friend, or a random by chance meeting or introduction. the one you want usually sparks an interesting interest in you, with all the mystery... they are usually very attractive, maybe highly unstable, but as i said, your attraction to them usually defines the laws of logic.


You know the saying, the grass is always greener on the other side/farm? What happens if in every relationship you find yourself in, that saying is always true? how do you subside a feeling like that? do you just tuck it under your bed and hope that your partner never realizes that you are thinking about a greener grass on the other side? i would give you a personal example..... i know im going to get judged or whatever, but what can i say i am only human right?




Personal example
i was in a long term loving relationship with my Ex Girlfriend, we had been steady for about one year and a half or soo... (Wait, this is not the Ex GF that i have countlessly talked about on my previous post, soo please no freaking out) 
My Ex was a girl that was someone that i needed, in the sense that i knew that when i looked into her eyes, i could see a possibility of a future, with wedding bells and kids and all that great gooey stuff. she was Half Jamaican and Cuban, she had the sexiest accent in the morning, she could switch from Spanish to English to Jamaican Patois all in the breadth of a sentence. I met her in college, during one of those Campus life activities (the kinda ones that are meant to bring/highlight college life together), She was the president of the belly dancing club and im a sucker for belly dancers soo it was Lust at first sight. She was incredible intelligent, not in the over bearing way that made you look stupid or anything, but in a way that made you feel like you were smarter just hanging around her. 
She was such a people person that no matter whoever i introduce her too, they were all won over in 10 mins. i can attest to this because after i introduced her to my mum, the next week, my mum was calling her phone more often than she even called me (my Mum still ask of her till today). in essence, she had wifey writing all over her and everyone of my friends could have sworn that we were getting married. 
Around her, i had the desire to be better, to be a better man for myself, for her and for everyone around me. She just had a way of lighting a spark of self improvement with everyone she came across with.
Basically, she was Someone i knew i needed to be with. 




while i was in a relationship with my Super Awesome Girlfriend at the time, a male friend of mine introduced me to a friend of his, and wow..... from the first sight of her, i could sense that i was in trouble. you know the feeling you get when you meet someone very attractive that your body begins to fail you... you tell you mouth to say hello, but it says some sort of gibberish, you try reaching out to shake the person's hand and your hand does some awkward movement that appears more threatening more than friendly?? well, my body did all those things and didnt know how to react. my body and my heart failed me miserably. i became a school boy in that exact moment. i tried regain compose and i tried talking logically to myself... i reminded myself that i had a girlfriend who loved me and who was awesome, but my heart refused to hear all that bullshit. 
sooo, me and my new beautiful friend exchanged numbers, hung out a couple of times, talked about how we didnt seem to have to much in common, talked about how we could never work in a relationship (because she was from a different culture where her parents wouldnt even dream about accepting an African as a possible Boyfriend, talkless about as a Son in Law).... oh and in between all that talking and hanging out, we had sex.


So here i was, cheating on my Super Awesome Girlfriend with a girl i Wanted, even though i knew from the very beginning that things would never go anywhere. i was ridden with guilt, so i obviously told my GirlFriend what had happened, and we decided it was best that we go our separate ways. 
Though, there is a happy ending to all this story...
my Ex girlfriend that was super awesome is now married with a beautiful baby girl, i still keep in touch with her from time to time
and the girl i wanted is now married too, to her Childhood sweetheart, sooo i guess good things did come out of the whole incident. 


the silver lining is, both the girl i wanted and the girl i needed are now happy (or atleast i hope soo) 


The Question is, after this incident did i learn my lesson? im not quite sure if i did.... but i really hope i did. im a man, and i know that i would stumble in relationships, sometimes i tend to be like the A.D.D. dog in UP, i may be totally focused on the girl i love and need to be with, but then i might get easily distracted by the next beautiful girl i come across..... im far from perfect, but i can only hope to work at getting better. 

Soooo, im i the only person who might have had this "the one i want Vs the one i need" problem? i hope not.... let me know what you feel? tell me if you have ever had a similar situation before.




No poetry on this post, but for those who love poetry, im due for a new poem soon enough. a new post to follow shortly.