I'm suffering from Chronic Grandpa Syndrome

Im 110% (110% is such a typical over exaggeration for people who suffer from Grandpa Syndrome) certain that i have Grandpa Syndrome. it is a Disease or a Syndrome that hasn't been medically proven yet, but it is none the less a scientific condition. Grandpa Syndrome you ask, what is that ? is it contagious, is it terminal? would it ever become an epidemic? no i hardly doubt it is, and No to all your various questions about its transferability. Well, Grandpa Syndrome is a disease that happens to Young Adults, or Emerging Adults, where those inflicted with it, seem to feel or appear 2 Generations older than what their biological age states that they are. As with every Disease or Syndrome, there are symptoms in which you can spot it or test whether you may be afflicted with it. 


the symptoms are as follows
you may have to bear with me, because this is a new disease or syndrome, it has been rarely reported on and there are only very few cases which have been physically documented. As time passes, there would
be more information on how it is transfered, how it could be prevented and how you could manage such a disease, but for now, it is most certainly not a terminal ailment. but for the most part, i have noticed that this Illness usually strikes in Clubs.


Symptom 1
I'm allergic to loud noise
Recently, i have started to realize that i have built a perversion towards loud music, and this usually occurs whenever i go out to a club. i can stomach whatever loud music that is play for the first 30 to 45 mins, then anything more than that, i start to think to myself, what am i doing here? how did i get tricked into coming to this club? why do they have to play the music so loud? do they really have to play it so loud that my ears are almost bleeding? is the club owner consipiring to make me deaf? why didnt i realize i was going to get a head ache after prolonged exposure to Loud Music? so all in all, i Regret going to the Club. 


Symptom 2
I'm Going Deaf
No, like i really think i am going deaf, well, i think im going deaf because of all the loud music i hear in the club, the dont think the noise levels are even legal in any of the 50 states of America (i just got an idea for a law suit. :)) lol. well, things get so tricky whenever im in a club and im trying to listen to a person who is having a conversation with me. this is how the scenario usually goes. 


person A: i really like this music
me: What??? what did you say?


person A: i said, i Really like this Music
Me: What? i dont think i heard you?


person A: I SAID, I REALLY LIKE THIS MUSIC
Me: errrr, im sorry but i still cant hear you, could you speak a little louder?


person A: I SAID, gibberish gibberish gibberish
Me: OH, *then i smile awkwardly, not hearing whatever the person said and i laugh just cause i feel very silly asking the person to keep repeating themselves.


Symptom 3:
i Tend to shout when speaking
you know how Old people i.e. Grandparents tend to shout unknowingly when they talk to people who are right next to them? or how Nigerian parents like to yell on their phone conversations? well, i do a bit of that when im out in a club. it really is embarrassing. well in my defense, i turn almost deaf in a club setting, the loud music does that to me, so when i try carrying a convo, because i dont hear what the person says, i also assume that the person im talking to has the same problem i have, so to compensate, i tend to shout, like i shout really loud. this would be alright, but i tend to shout a bit loud into the persons ears. Yes, i admit im a dork. Sooo, needless to say, the person gets pissed that the loud music isnt the only thing that is trying to destroy her eardrums. im a pure dork, in every sense of the word. 


Symptom 4:
I dont dance
Ok, maybe thats an exaggeration, but when i do dance, i tend to dance like your worst dancing Grandparents, basically i do the Cosby Dance, and i do that dance well. Like Extremely well, if Cosby needed certified back up dancers, i would get the job just by word of mouth and my audition tape. So, the thing is that, in most clubs, most girls dont wanna dance with the dude that does the cosby show dance way too good. so i often just dont dance to save myself the awkward glances. 


Symptom 5: 
I have Awkward Convo while in Clubs:
i tend to not know what to conversate with strangers at the club, im tend to be way to cerebral. My coworkers joke on me that, when i go to the club, my small talk consist of Issues like Global Warming, Political Happenings and Current events. Its sooo funny, but it is partly true. i blame all the Channels i usually frequent when i turn my TV on. My Fav Channels are HGtv, CNN, MSNBC, the Science Channel, NatGeo and Comedy Central, And it doesnt help that i do tend to Read the NYtimes almost Religiously every day. if small talk is foreplay, i usually tend to fumble on my small talk and go straight to brain sex. brain sex is deep theoretical issues. As i have noticed, no one ever wants to talk about shit like that while they are in a club. So most times i often look like that Weird guy people shy away from talking too. 






So these are all the symptoms that do come to my head write now, im positively certain that i have way more Symptoms, but as i said, this is a new ailment, and it would take abit of time to get to know the full scope and severity of the illness. my Grandpa Syndrome severely hinders me from dating and being less dorky in a Club, but my party Scenes tend to be more intimate settings, like house Get together Parties or BBQs of friends, places where i can be free to actually articulate and express my views and thoughts on ideas and topics. i like bouncing ideas around. and i like a girl who can bounce a thought process back at me with equally as much power and purpose.  So basically what i am saying is, every friday, going out to the club begins as a good idea, but as the night out progresses, i tend to realise that it was a horrible idea, and i should have ideally stayed home and watched house hunter international marathon while im comfortably tucked in my blanket. Almost like how i am right now. :)


anyways, i think i have let this post run for sooo much longer than i ever intended it to. but i figured i let you in on a neat thing about me and clubs. 




BTW.... songs that i have been playing recently
Motivation -Kelly Rowland
GRavity -Sara Bareilles
We could have had it all -Adele
I dont trust myself with loving you - John Mayer
Edge of Desire- John Mayer






Soooo pls listen to any of those songs and tell me what you think. Adieu.