Saturday, December 15, 2012

hard to please

im easy to get along with but im soo hard to please.... actually im hard to get along with, a friend of mine told me im high maintenance in relationship situations. she was probably right. Thursday was my birthday, and the day didnt feel any different, except that i was constantly reminded that i was growing older (i have an Aging Phobia: fear of getting old).

New Girl called me early to wish me a happy birthday and she decided that she was going to let me in on what my birthday gift was, she was about to buy tickets to the Christmas show at Radio City Hall with the Rockettes... and you wouldnt believe what i told her.... i told her thanks for the Gesture, but i wasnt interested. I know it seems like a very mean thing to say, but my logic was that... im having very serious doubts about any kind of future between me and her, and i would hate for her to spend all that money on an experience neither her nor I would be able to forget... though i came up with an excuse and i excused myself out of it.

the truth is, i like her, but i dont think i like her enough to stop being my own person... im still in love with me, for very selfish reasons... and these lil weeks i have dated her for, have shown me that im not yet interested in settling down (maybe im not yet interested in settling down for HER in particular), but its brought some sort of Clarity to me.

I know i need to have The Talk with her soon enough (preferably this weekend) but im still trying to hold out, i guess im hoping for some divine sign to show that im being to hasty in my decision...

i already feel like a Jerk, But i figure i might as well just end it right now before stronger feelings start developing and she decides that she wants to do something Drastic.

4 comments:

  1. It's good you know what you want, that you're honest and it's better to tell her sooner than later. Good bwoi :-)

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  2. u need to chill before making a relationship official.

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  3. I totally hear you, but damn. Reading that made me feel like I was her and you were one of the many dudes from my past.

    ReplyDelete
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