OverDue

I know i have been gone for a moment too long.... honestly, i have been struggling to find the right words to type. i am a cesspool of emotions right about now. usually, my blog is a place i come to bare it all and unload, but these past few weeks, i havent been too sure if i wanted to be vulnerable and naked. this blog is a form of online journal of a sorts for me. i spill floods of emotions onto this space, my emotions are not always coherent and my thoughts are not always in order, but my intentions are usually true to form. If i hardly make sense on this post, it is because i gave up on trying to make sense of all my internal struggles. 


my thoughts have weighed me down for a while. hopefully, when all is said and done, i would be able to weightless, atleast for a little while, before i burden myself with newer issues. 


Warning: Relatively long post ahead





Happy New Year..... i should do the cliche thing and list all my new years resolution, but somehow i feel if i do that, i would jinx my resolutions. you see, i shared my resolutions last year on my Blog, and sure enough, i broke every one of my resolutions. Soooo, no Sharing this time. 


So a quick summary of things since i last blogged. 


I got my first real Rejection from a female, in a long while...... it was strange (im not saying i never get rejected, but this rejection hit home harder than usual)... the thing was i was expecting more from the person than the person could possibly offer. You know that point in time where you start thinking of a long term relationship and even more with someone, and all the while, the person is thinking.... ermmmm "lets just be friends"..... well, i got myself in a situation like that recently. 
i know sharing the whole story about the rejection would make a nice and juicy blog post, but truthfully, i think im going to keep that story to myself.... after all, i guess i deserve to keep some parts of my private life private. 


I got back with dealing from the girl from Borrowed Love, the Ivorian Girl with the Boyfriend... well if you dont remember then CLICK HERE <<<<<
Well, that story i can kinda share with you. 


Soooo, Have you ever heard of the Phrase "Nothing Good Ever Happens After 3AM"?..... well, that phrase is fucking right.... 
i got a Phone Call about around my Birthday time last year december, past 3am..... usually, i dont pick up calls once its past 1am because lets be honest, i love my Beauty sleep.... but, i check the phone and i see whose name on it? surprise surprise, its the Ivorian Girl..... so i pick it up just because, whenever i communicate with her, its usually text messages, so i was a bit worried when i found out she was calling sooo late. soo, i pick up and say "hello", and all i can hear is her crying and sounding abit distraught... she tried saying stuff but it was sobbing i could only hear, she told me she needed help and wanted me to come over.... i was worried but i would later find out that being worried was a BIG FUCKING MISTAKE.... Literally.


I put on my PANTs (cuz i dont like sleeping with pants and its much comfy without them, hey, dont fucking judge me, you dont know my life) and my Jacket and get into my car and stupid me goes over to her place to be a Stupid Fucking HERO (like my name is superman). 
i get there, she opens the door and she looks like she has been crying for awhile, Eyes all puffy and red. So we get to talking and am trying to calm her down and find out why she is crying... she goes on a Tangent on how Guys are Stupid and how we never appreciate females.... sooo im confused like, "B*tch, i hope i didnt come all the way to your place at 3 fucking A to the M to hear a Guy BasHing Session? *BBM confused face*"..... sooo i woosah for a little bit and tell myself, that this is not about me, that it is about her crying.... sooo after a few moments, she tells me that she found out that her Guy has been cheating on her and how under appreciated she has been feeling.... soo my first reaction was to tell her that "emmmm, excuse me, but i think you were doing the same thing to him tooo, atleast with me" but i opted out to joining in the whole guy bashing thing (i figured if i did that, she probably would have revenge sex with me.... well, truthfully i was horny at the time and i was not using my head) well, need less to say, my whole guy bashing thing worked.... and it worked well. 


Fast Forward a few weeks later... she calls me and wants to see me.... im bored because school is not in session yet, so i easily oblige. Sooo she told me to pack for like 2 nights cause she wanted to spend some quality time because she was off work for about 3 days and i too was off work... im like OK. i get there, we are chilling, acting like Psuedo Couples, fabricating intimacy out of thin Air, eskimo kisses and french pecks while im being forced to watch Chick Flicks which she picked out on her PC. sooo basically im Comfortable as i can relatively be.... then we get to catching up on whats new with our weeks and life, then she tells me so Causally "Oh my Boyfriend is Back in the Country"... When she said that, i Froze like......


ME:"Hold UP.... you mean your BF is back and you are planning on spending this much time with me in your place, which you boyfriend knows how to get too easily?"
SHE: Well, its not like he is going to Come here
ME: And how do you know that? are you Psychic or you got some Voodoo i dont know about?
SHE: nah, its cool... he doesnt like coming over, he prefers when i go over to his place


i didnt have a reply for her, because i was sooo speechless, i just had alot of stupid shit running through my mind like, if this Nigga Catches me playing house with his GF, i am probably going to be Dead.... but then, i was like blahhhh, im already Comfortable in her place right now, and its already past 3am sooo, whats the worst that could happen.... i would probably leave in the AM and stay far away from this crazy girl that might be planning on getting me killed by her BF (i swear i think she is really conspiring for that shit to happen, the way i felt so blindsided). 


So fast forward to the Am, im bout to get ready to leave, but i forget to leave ( i know that statement sounds like an oxymoron, but it actually happened)... later in the evening, while im still busy forgetting to leave her place, she gets a phone call. She picks up, and says a few things in french and smiles when she hangs up. She turns immediately to me and asks me if i can drop her off somewhere. i tell her that it probably might be a good idea for me to head out too While i drop her off.


She gets ready and i drop her off at an apartment..... things didnt become clear to me until i was driving off from dropping her off, i realized that i just dropped her off at her Boyfriends Apartment..... That blew my mind.... i had to park my car for a quick second, just sooo i could delete her number and take all that shit in...... That is not really the best way to begin the first few days of the New Year, but one thing i realized is that, im going to avoid people who are going to try to make my life play out like a fucking Day Time Drama.... this shit isnt the bold and the beautiful.... im literally getting to old for all that kind of unnecessary Drama. 


Sooo i hope i can say that this is the last time im ever going to hear from this wonderful young girl, because after that mini episode of events, im not going to put myself in some strange or weird situation just because of a girl. 




Ok, well maybe i may still put myself in some interesting situation.... but its definitely not going to be with this girl. Truthfully, she isnt worth all the drama and issues. 

p.s. no poetry today because this post went on for longer than i would have liked.... maybe next post.